May 31st and the coming of June

It's the final day of May. Just a few more hours and it'll be June!! My favourite month!! Anyone who knows me well, knows why I love June!! Hahaha!! It's rather obvious actually. My birthday's in June!! Of course, I used to get so excited about it waaaayyyy before the actual date!! I know, I know, such childish behaviour. But what the heck?!

However, the degree of excitement had to change 2 years ago, when my uncle passed away on my birthday. I was praying so hard for him to survive the night, but alas, he passed away the next morning. I do have to admit that I had a selfish reason for not wanting him to pass away on the next day. After all, it was my birthday and who wants to have a death occur and then remembered then after for years and years to come that someone had died on that particular day?! Of course, when we got to the hospital, everyone anguished over his death and of the significance of the day. I did feel guilty (and sad) but I also couldn't help feeling cheated.

My uncle was a big presence in our family and his passing was of course tragic. It was as though God had blew off the brightest candle in the room. What I feared would happen (that is, his death overshadowing my birthday) did indeed happen the next year. My grandmother actually reminded me of his passing day and did not know that it was my birthday too!! When I told her that he had died on my birthday, she was actually surprised!!!

Anyway, it'll be my birthday in a few days' time, which of course is also the 2nd death anniversary of my uncle. I've come to accect that my birthday will always be "shared" and I think I am ok with it. But what I do not like, is the constant reminder of or rather cliched greeting of: "Happy Birthday!! How old are you today? So sad huh, that he (my uncle) had to die on your birthday?? He was such a....." *sighs*

Anyway.......this year however, there's something more exciting to expect in June. My cousin's getting married and so...it's like THE event of the year!! haha!! I'm so excited!! I'm hoping that Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday goes really fast (since I'm on half day leave on Thursday) and then I'm off to KL!! Woohoo!!!

Exhausted and Fed-up

Finally....the meetings that I have been dreading since the beginning of the year has ended!! Despite having a hotel as my "home" for the past 4 nights, there was no rest or comfort that only a house can provide you. The room was only utilised at night: to bathe and sleep. My mornings started at 7am, with the meetings beginning at 9am and lasting to 6-7pm everyday. Though it is the conventional work hours, these meetings actually takes a toll on you. The amount of brain usage that goes into these meetings can easily make people slip into a coma!! At the end of the day, you're tired MENTALLY. And in my case, when I am tired mentally, it affects my physique to, so much so that I am physically tired by the time I reach my room!!

To make matters worse, I found out that my supervisor has been blaming me for everything that goes wrong in our work. Not one person told me this but 4!! Even the big boss told me!! I can't confront my supervisor coz she has not done it in front of me. She's been sneaky and such a hypocrit!! And to think that I actually had second thoughts of leaving, thinking she'll be left with the mountain of work with no one to help!! Yeah right!! After finding out about all this, I'm only too eager to leave!! Seriously, I've had enough. I'm sick and I am tired of all the office politics and whatnot.

I know I have been complaining about my work for quite awhile but I'm reaching my limit. At the beginning of the year, I gave myself till April to get a new job but that did not materialise. Then I gave myself June and that too has not materialise. Now, I'm adamant and determine to leave by August the latest especially since we have two big events coming up in September!! I NEED and WANT to leave before that happens or I'm sure I'll just die from all the stress!!

As it is, I can't stand to hear my supervisor calling me name in the most annoying way, "Shakunnnn" for every little thing; so much so that a participant from China actually commented that she depends on me so much and even thought I was the senior one!!! Hahaha!!

SO...if anyone of you out there has a job opening, drop me a line!! I'm up to my forehead with all these nonsense. I don't know how long more I can cope. Even a new staff who's only been with us for 3 months is thinking of leaving already!! And I've been here for 18 months!!!

I'm just so glad that I'll be on leave in a weeks' time but before that I'm definitely going to have a meeting with the hypocrit!!

Excuse any grammatical errors. Can't be bothered now about that.

And now...the time has come

Ok...after having nightmares, feeling stressed and worried, the time that I have been dreading is finally here. Tomorrow evening, I'll be checking into Copthorne Orchid Hotel. That'll be my home for the next 4 nights, as I've got two meetings that are to happen consecutively. These are the kind of things that people in my organisation dread, as the pressure, stress and anticipation of everything is simply overwhelming!! It's a wonder that the organisation is still surviving despite having hundreds of meetings, conferences and workshops like this over the years (not forgetting that some of these happens overseas!!).

So, as of yesterday, when I finally had everything prepared and ready, I felt as though a weight had been taken off my shoulder; only to be told by my boss that the meeting kit lacked certain materials(she had to tell me this at the last minute, just as I was planning to leave office!!!). Thankfully, I've made some good friends and they helped me. Still...this is one of the reasons why I (and many others) can't stand the place.

But then, the worse is not over. When I checked my mail today, I got an email from a participant telling me (super last minute!) that she will not be able to attend the meetings. Also, I had a request for a wheelchair from another participant!! Thank God the support system of the organisation is tight and I can depend on them. Of course, the support system is one of the most important assets of the organisation; otherwise, none of these meetings held over a 25 year period would have happened.

Sighs....I can't wait for next week to be over. Once the last week of May ends, comes June: the month I love!! For one very obvious reason: My birthday!! This year is extra-special as I will be turning 25. I've always loved birthdays, I don't know why. Though my mum and some friends don't seem to "get" what all the hype is about. Haha!! Anyway, this year, besides me celebrating my 25th year of existence, my cousin (the first of my generation) is getting married and I'm so excited!! Hehe...it's going to be fun!!

Till then....

Nightmares

I rarely get nightmares. But I've been having nightmares for the past few nights. Not the type where I get up all screaming and sweaty, panting as though I just ran a marathon. But it was unpleasant, which made me wake up, only to feel damn relieved that it was all a dream (or rather nightmare!!).

So what is it that is bothering me so much that I am having nightmares?? My friends who know me will know. When I started my blog, I told myself that I did not want to have entries that concerned work or anything that was related to it. However, I've had to change that decision as things have been happening over the past two months. Anyway, I've got a meeting in a weeks' time (make that 2 back-to-back meetings) and I'm so worried about it. Plus, to add to that worry, I've got a debate on Friday to worry about (another hare-brained idea by my boss, which has made the entire office irritated and fed-up with her. It's just another way for her to take more of our time. Like we don't have enough work already!!).

Anyway, I had a nightmare about my meeting, where I'd forgotten to bring all the materials and important stuff to the hotel and it was an hour away from the start of the meeting and I was about to cry. I got up with a shock, only to be comforted that it was just a "dream".

The weekend arrived and I thought I could just relax my mind and not think about work. But did I succeed? No. I had to prepare for the stupid debate (where I am still stuck. I can't bring myself to talk for 5 minutes about subject that is soooooooo boring: Agrofuels!!). Then, now, it's Sunday and that means back to work tomorrow, which gives me four days to the debate and a week to the 2 meetings!!

I don't feel as stressed as I think I am but to have nightmares about work and constantly have work on my mind...it must be a sign!! ARGHHHH!!! I soooo need a break!! I'm really really waiting for the 31st to arrive as that is when the meetings end. Then I am off to KL on the 5th of June for a wedding, where I hope I'll be able to rest my mind!!

Books

Books! I love books!! Especially new books. I like the smell, the feel/touch and the un-dogged ear-ed pages of a new book. Also, some new books have a certain "new" smell, just like new t-shirts.


I can't remember how old I was when I first started reading; but I can clearly remember my first set of books. It was an entire Walt Disney collection, produced and distributed by the group Brolio. I used to love reading the small, thin books that came in the set, instead of the bigger, thicker ones that contained more stories. One favourite story was 'Little Hiawatha', which had a cute, little red-Indian boy as its central character.

When I was in Primary School, the Famous Five and their adventures by Enid Blyton were my companions. I borrowed the books from the library and my dad's friend gave me a few. I used to imagine myself as part of their gang!!

When I started High School, I graduated to the mild Mills & Boon series, Harlequin Sweet Romance and the works, all introduced to me by my mum. I think this was the stage that really got me hooked onto reading. I read at least 100 books. This was possible thanks to the existence of second-hand shops set up by St.Nicholas' Home and Salvation Army. The books that were bought were then exchanged at a bookstore located at Chowrasta market. Going there was like going to book heaven!! Unfortunately, I think the owner has passed away. I've been there a few times but the shop is always closed!! :-(

In college, my selection expanded to Danielle Steel and John Grisham (thanks to my lecturer). I even started reading chick-fics by Sophie Kinsella and Cecelia Ahern.

And of course, who can forget the Harry Potter craze, which has now been taken over by the Twilight craze!! I was there all the way!! hehe!!

Then...I also have the oddities. I call it the "oddities" because these are unconventional books that I would not usually read. Among them are, The Secret, Mahabharata, Sakuntala and the Bhagavadgita. I've also read the Christian book, 'The Purpose Driven Life'. I think that reading these books gives me a balance. Else, I might be stuck in the romance-fantasy books.

My latest latest readings have been connected to work, since my boss insisted that all new staff had to read certain books. I've read 'Resisting Poisons, Reclaming Lives', 'Politics of Hunger', 'Women without Voices' and 'Poisoned and Silenced.' I don't want to list them under my "oddities" list coz these books were read unwillingly. I've been trying to read another book entitled, "People, Plants and Patents' but I'm not going anywhere with it. I think I am going to drop it.

Ahhh.....when I look at what I've written in this entry, it looks like I've read a lot. But then again, I feel as though I haven't read much!! What irony!! The picture above is a picture of the books that I have at home. The picture really does not do justice to the amount of books I have as it only shows the front part of the cabinet. I've not read even half of those books but someone has. My mum!! Just goes to show where I inherited the 'worm' from.

Ok then...I'll stop here. Time to look for another book to read.

The weekend

I update my blog when I feel like it. If I have something to say, rant about or just plain gossip, I update my blog. If it's someone's birthday or a special day that I remember in time, I update my blog. Like I said in my previous entry, one of the things that I was afraid of was, was having a dormant blog, with no regular updates and worst of all, no readers!! But I've learned and decided not to care whether I update my blog regularly, or whether I have readers.

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Anyway, as I sit in front of my computer,enjoying the last few hours of the weekend and of Mother's Day, I suddenly have the urge to write about my weekend. Nothing special happened. Nothing exciting occurred; but still...the urge or rather "calling" to write is overwhelming. And so...here's my weekend.

SATURDAY - the morning started like any other Saturday morning; with my mum waking my sis and I up to go to the market. Getting up was especially hard as it was drizzling, so you can imagine how hard it was to give up the warm cocoon of the blankets and the temptation to snuggle down deeper into the covers. BUT!! Being the good, sweet daughters that we are, we got up, dressed and drowsily followed mum round the market; one carrying the umbrella and the other struggling to cart around the market basket (the one with wheels).

We had our usual (make that every weekend) breakfast of Mee Soup at our favourite coffee shop. Then we headed to Little India to get some stuff. There, mum found her Mother's Day present. Earlier, she had hinted that she wanted a perfume and my sis and I had already planned what to get her; something that she wanted and something that would not put a hole in our pockets. Anyway...since mum rarely asks for things, sis and I decided to buy what she had chosen. Personally, I'd rather have had the surprise element when she opened her present. Nonetheless, since she wanted this and she was already smiling when she saw it...I thought What the heck? So, we made the purchase: a bottle of the perfume Charlie.

We then left Little India and headed to Farlim to put all the stuff that we had bought from the market. We then decided to have vegetarian food for lunch, thus heading to the vegetarian shop nearby. As it was Wesak Day, the place was crowded; but since we were going to 'tapau', it didn't matter.

That afternoon, the whole family watched a Tamil movie, Aegan. It was one of those modern, full-of-action movie and it was interesting. The only complain I have was that there were no subtitles!! Imagine having to watch a movie that's in a different language with no subtitles!! I can understand Tamil, however it is limited. Instead, I can watch a Hindi or even Tagalog film without subtitles and would understand those films better than a Tamil one!!

Later that night, dad, sis and I had Nasi Kandar for dinner before heading to my grandma's house. There, we picked my two aunts up and decided to go to the Buddhist temple to pray. We went to two temples and it was closed (it was 11pm btw), so we decided to go to an Indian temple as it was also the 'Mini- Thaipusam'. However, that plan was also disrupted as the roads leading to the temple were jammed. In the end, we ended up at a Thai Buddhist temple. Thankfully, it was still opened, so we managed to pray and get our wrists tied with the signature saffron string.

SUNDAY - Today, I woke mum and sis up. The weather was again cool, so it was no surprise that mum and sis were asleep still. Haha!! The ritual for the day was the same. Market, breakfast then home. There was a slight difference however, in that my sis decided to take the camera along as she wanted to "document" our weekly "journeys." I'll leave that to my sis to elaborate. We went to my grandma's house for lunch where we had a very very hearty meal of chicken curry, nasi minyak, cucumber salad and mango chutney. YUM!!

After lunch, we headed back home and watched tv, while mum and dad slept.

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Just a few more hours and then it'll be time to sleep. Then it's another whole week before I start my weekend ritual again!

Song for My Mother

I heard this song a long long long time ago but I remember it to this day. The words are simple yet meaningful enough to convey my feelings to my parents. It can be for both mum and dad. But this time...I dedicate it to my mum.

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You cuddled me when I was born
You gave me strength to be on my own
The warmth, the love, and the caring
The hugs, the kisses and the sharing.

You're always when I needed you
You understood when I couldn't speak
Over the years, we have grown apart
Over the years, we are strangers apart.

Mother...if I've never told you before
I just want to say
I love you always
And thank you...for those tender years
I just want to say
I love you always
And thank you....for those growing years....

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY AMAH!!!

Cool, Wet and Grey

When the weather is freaking hot, with the sun unleashing its powerful rays, making me all hot and sweaty, I curse and ask for rain. But when it rains, and I mean really rains, I curse too. The ground is all wet (and sometimes muddy), the air is cool and the skies are grey, making it all so gloomy and dreary. I guess it's true then when people say that we are never happy with what we have. Hmmm...

We had a long weekend this week, thanks to May 1st falling on a Friday! I was sooo looking forward to having a long weekend and I wasn't disappointed. However, I'm not sure about the rain though. On one hand, I was glad that it was raining as it meant that I could sleep in, instead of getting up early in the morning to get ready for work. I could wake up, look at the time, tell myself that it's the weekend (meaning no work!), roll over and go back to sleep. All that did happen; only difference is, it didn't end there. After going back to sleep, the next thing I heard was my mum's voice, waking my sis and I up, to follow her to the market. ARGH!! So, as you can see, on the other hand, waking up early on a rainy day...!!

We follow my mum to the market every weekend (for my sis, it's every day excluding days when she has classes). We complain and groan every time but end up following her nonetheless. I thought I could skip this weekend, what with the weather being so nice and all; however, mum thought differently. When she woke us up, I asked her to let us sleep in, reasoning that it was raining and all, and that this was the only weekend we get to do so. Her reply? "It's raining. All the more so for you to come and help me carry the things, the umbrella..etc." Need I say more? Of course we ended up in the market with her. ON ALL THREE DAYS!! Sighs. The "sacrifices" we make for her. HAHA...just kidding!!

Anyway, as it reaches the end of the 3-day holiday that I looked forward to, I told my sis and mum that I hope it does not rain tomorrow and that the sun will be out in its full force. That way, it'll be easier to wake up in the morning. Otherwise, I might not wake up for work!! Which, on second thought, does not sound too bad!! hehe..

May Day

It's the 1st of May 2009. It's been four months since the New Year begin!! Four months!! That's roughly 120 days gone by; and I wonder what I have done in those 120 days?? I made a list of 'things-to-do' this year and so far, I'm proud to say that I've managed to strike off one item from my list. Although I have to confess that I did not really DO anything to achieve that. Rather, it's all thanks to my beloved aunt, uncle and cousin, that I am able to achieve or rather strike one item off my list, in just four months!! I'd thought that it would take me at least a year to strike everything off my list. Well...it's a good beginning.

On the other hand, one major 'thing' on my list is proving difficult to come by. I've been working hard at it since January, but circumstances and the overall situation in the world is making it difficult (I'm pretty sure you can guess what it is I am talking about if you don't...too bad!). Anyway, I'm a firm believer in The Secret, so I'm sure it's just a matter of time before I get what I want.

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Changing the subject, it's my grandmother's birthday today. So...HAPPY BIRTHDAY GRANDMA!!! I'm not sure how old she is (should be over 65...hehe) but nevertheless, still young at heart!!

Also, since May 1st is the designated day for Labour, I'm off!! Giving me a loooong weekend, which I fully deserve!! Haha....I just love weekends...the getting up late, not having to go to work still sleepy and groggy, no sitting in front of the computer for 7-8 hours...etc. Ahhh...bliss!

That's all for now. I'm not spending my day off in front of the computer. Instead, I'm going to watch Wolverine.