You Are Loved Beyond Measure

11.2.2026 - That Day.

3.48pm - That Call. The haunting words that keep replaying in my head. "I think amah passed away." My heart immediately stopped. 

It is a call that no one ever wants to receive. Be it from a hospital or relative or friend. But to receive it from one of your parents, hearing the urgency and worry/panic in the voice speaking to you, one has to steel one's self to concentrate and really understand what is being said. 

Fear gripped and squeezed the heart. Frustrated tears poured, along with words of prayers spewing out the mouth. All these while trying to navigate through horrendous traffic, hoping that the call was just a sick nightmare. Every call now turns my stomach, fear creeps in, my body goes into numbness, bracing myself to hear whatever is on the line. 

That Find - The first image upon arriving, still haunts me every time I close my eyes. It is not the image I want to remember, but it is the image that has caused the most pain and is the hardest to forget. I now often find myself shaking my head trying to push the image out of my head. 

That Drive - I also didn't think that that day would be the last time she would be in my car, that it would be our last drive together. For ten days, I couldn't bring myself to drive. 

We saw her twice more before she was dressed up for the final time. It was a conscious decision to spare my father the agony of having to identify her,  to see her in that state that no one should ever experience. As hard as it was, only my sister and I will carry that burden till we die. Only recently I was told that my husband was with me but I had blanked him out completely in that moment. I still don't remember him being there, holding me, supporting me, being my rock. 

We're all grieving in our own ways. Dad lost his life partner of more than 45 years. My sister, being the youngest and still living with her, lost her lookalike. I, as the eldest, lost a role model as mum was also the eldest daughter/child. Grandma lost her second child. People lost a sister, friend, aunt, cousin, sister in law....

It was always the 3 of us. Like the Three Stooges. The BeeGees. Huey, Dewey and Louie. The trinity has now broken. Not forgetting Dad of course. He was always like Charlie from Charlie's Angels. And his first angel is now gone. 

What remains now are two daughters' hearts bound together with an invisible rope interwoven with love and memories of a wonderful, strong woman.

2025 Ended on a Sad Note

 31.12.2025

My 100 year old grandmother on my dad's side left us. Being a century old, her passing did not come as a shock. Her memory had slowly been leaving her over the past years, and while she was still alive, she was barely living.

The second day of new year saw the whole family gathered, to say farewell to this iron lady. While tears did pour, her farewell was more of a celebration of her 100 years on earth. She "had made sure" that the whole family were together at New Year.

Ushering in 2026 with a farewell was not the way I expected to welcome the new year. My mother always said that if there was a wedding at the beginning of a new year, we would be attending weddings throughout the year. What I didn't expect, was to attend another, devastating farewell less than two months later.

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December Again

It’s December. And once again, this is only my second entry here. Sighs…. time passes, things happened and just like that, we begin to say goodbye to another year; and get ready to welcome a new one.

Since my last entry, a few things have happened:

1)     Uncle Peter passed away. And with that, my grandma’s whole life (and ours too) took a big turn. My sister and I were there when uncle Peter passed; but we were unable to stay for the funeral which was held a few days later. Once the funeral was over, it was decision time. So many decisions had to be made within a short period of time. In the end, decisions were made, keeping what was best for grandma in mind.

The family decided that grandma would stay with her two daughters who were stable enough to support her. Grandma would shuffle between KL and Penang, staying at each house for a number of months. This was the best option and solution. As of today, as I am writing this, grandma is staying with us in Penang and it will be almost two months come December end.

Taking grandma in has not been easy as it required change. Not so much for me since I am staying with my husband; but my parents and sister have had to adjust their lives. For that, I am eternally grateful to them for shouldering the responsibility; but especially to my sister, for she now lives in a house where the combined ages of the inhabitants there (minus her) reaches more than 200 years!  

2)    While all the above happened, mum has gone for her medical follow-ups. Her post-surgery follow-up has been good and she just has to continue with her medication as prescribed. However, at her cardio appointment, we were told that she needed to get her pacemaker battery replaced; and so, once again, mum has to go for another surgery next year. I guess when one ages, your health becomes the priority. I am thankful that my father is ok, and now, grandma too. While I hoped that my mum would not have to go through another surgery so soon, I guess it’s always better to get it over with, rather than wait till it’s too late.

And so, as we wait for her next follow-up (which is this week), I hope that once again, everything will go on smoothly; and that God will be there for us and protect us all.

3)    But enough about all that. On a brighter note, on 19 November 2025, I officially got a new car! I have always wanted a big car; and after much, hesitation, consideration, calculation…. I decided to just go for it! I listened to Ben and decided to do something for myself without feeling guilty.

And Ben was right! I can’t exactly describe what I felt when I got my new car. Happiness. Excitement. Wonder. It’s going to be 3 weeks since I got my new car and I still smile every time I think and see my new car. Ben said I couldn’t stop smiling from the moment I took the car from the dealer. People must have thought I was crazy, for smiling for no reason. But then again, it’s my default look…I smile at anyone, everyone, and everything. 

I hope that this would not be my last entry this year. But let’s see…

Till then….

6 months 21 days….

6 months 21 days….

That’s what has passed in 2025. Every year seems to be moving faster than the year before. This year is no different.

So, what has happened in the past 6 months 21 days? Besides having/hosting family friends from Australia from January – February, the major highlight in the past 6 months was my mum.

As I stated in my last entry at the beginning of year, mum was supposed to go for thyroid surgery in March. She was admitted on a Sunday and was prepped for surgery the next day; only for the surgery to be cancelled at the last minute. Mum had fasted from 2am, changed into the operating gown and was even hooked up to an IV line. She was supposed to be the second person to be operated on that Monday, but the first surgery had some complications and ran over time. By the time it was over, it was too late to do my mum’s surgery.

Emotions were all over the place. The worry, the fear, the anxiety, the patience, the annoyance. I can’t imagine what my mum felt but I was emotionally drained. From the time mum was admitted, there were rounds of doctors who for pre-op assessments; and because it was always a different doctor, we had to constantly repeat her medical history. Caretaker fatigue is real, even if I only experienced it for two days in March. Mum was finally discharged with no new date given for her cancelled surgery.

The next two weeks which ran into April was a flurry of calling the hospital, personally looking for the doctors etc just to get a new surgery date. Thankfully, my  who works part time at the hospital managed to track the doctor and get him to set a date. The new surgery date was set for June, which meant another long wait. Mum was not happy especially since there was a wedding we had to attend; and she thought she would have a brand-new look by then, but alas….

April was my 3-year ROM anniversary and I got my second tattoo! May saw one of my cousins tying the knot.

As the days passed in April then May, we reached June, my birthday month. This year, it was a low-key affair compared to last year where there was a surprise party and getaway.

The end of my birthday week saw my mum getting admitted for the second time this year. All the past emotions resurfaced, but there was a tinge of worry that what happened in March would happen again. That, coupled with all the what-ifs….it was a difficult time.

Nevertheless, God heard and answered our prayers! Mum was the first to go into surgery that day; and after 5 hours of worrying, praying, pleading with God…..mum’s surgery was over! She made it! My sister and I did not move from where we sat; and the anaesthesist who saw us sitting outside the operating theatre the whole 5 hours, took pity on us and relieved us off our worries.  The relief and happiness to hear that mum was ok and awake, her heart was stable (as that was a concern for the docs) and that she was doing well….it was an amazing feeling.

Uncle Stephen and Aunty Lita were in Penang for a school reunion during that time; and they were kind enough to be with us while mum was in surgery. They waited till we got the good news; then we sent them back to the hotel.

4 days after surgery and mum was discharged, with a load of medication. Mum stayed with me for a few days, then returned home where I think she recovered faster, being in her own home and all. Vay and I went up the hilltop temple to give our thanks to God, and it was one of the hardest journeys up the hill. But, we would do it again without a doubt!

It’s now past mid-July. We’ve been to a few follow-ups and there are more in the coming months. But, we’re thankful. Mum is recovering well. She no longer has to wear turtleneck tops to hide her big neck; she looks slimmer…she’s doing well. There is of course the adapting to having to now take medication 4 times a day, but I think it is worth it.

Till my next update…..

 *Late Entry* 

31 December 2024

2024 - This is only my second entry this year, which is not good. I started this blog so that I could pen my thoughts down without actually having to keep a physical diary/journal.

Anyway, my last entry saw me counting down to when I turn/start a new decade of my life. I wasn't sure what I wanted to do, or what to expect. I had after all, ticked off everything that was on my bucket list, so I didn't feel as though I had left something undone.

Nevertheless, as always, I am blessed. Having the best sister in the world and also a husband now, those two make quite a team. My sister had always said that she hopes she gets a BIL whom she can clicked with, and she got her wish. Together, they organised a surprise birthday party for with family and friends; followed by a getaway to see my favourite animal - the giraffe! 

A week before my birthday, I got something that I had always wanted. A tattoo! I didn't tell anyone except my husband; and only revealed it later on to a selected few. Sadly, my tattoo artist will be leaving Malaysia in 2025, so I hope I will be able to get my second one before she leaves.

2024 was a year that was wavy, both personally and professionally. Personally, I got my first original Kate Spade handbag from dear hubby for V-Day; we also celebrated our 2-year wedding anniversary. Together, we purchased a new property, and as I am writing this, we have yet to move in despite plans to do so before Christmas. Lol...looks like we'll have to try moving before CNY. Hubby and I also got the opportunity to shoot an M16 rifle, thanks to my boss who is with the RAJD.

This year, I attended my first concert after 25 years. Sis and I were lucky enough to secure tickets to Bruno Mars' 24K Magic Concert! To say we had a blast would be an understatement. We were on a Bruno Mars high for a few weeks! 

Deepavali was celebrated in KL this year, and for the first time in a long time, we did not celebrate it together. Dad went to KL with the oldies; while sis and I went to Langkawi for a sisters' getaway. We had purchased the flight tickets and booked the hotel room in advance, before finding out that Deepavali was to be in KL. 

I managed to finally meet Suvarna after two years. The last we met was at my wedding two years ago; so it was good to finally be able to catch up with her. Hopefully, she, YL and I will get to meet in 2025.

Throughout the year, I continued looking for a new job, and plan to continue doing so in 2025. I also got COVID again, followed by Influenza A a few months later; and then, for almost a week, I had an eye infection! But...thankfully, I was declared healthy at my bi-annual health screening, although I need to monitor my liver, kidney and ovary for some small lesions. I was advised to exercise, which is something I said I would start in October but....sighs. On a serious note, I really do need to start exercising.

Another significant thing that happened in 2024 is my mother being told that she will need surgery for her thyroid. This is something that has been talked about a lot but the time has come, where surgery is now needed. So, we got her transferred from a private hospital to GH, with much apprehension. Nevertheless, with God's blessing, the transfer to GH has been smooth. We are all really impressed and pleasantly surprised with how fast, efficient and nice the staff at GH are. 

Mum's surgery is scheduled for March 2025. So hopefully, barring any delays, I'll have moved to my new place before then, so that mum can stay with me during recovery.

In the meantime, as the new year approaches, I pray for good health, wealth, success, and love for everyone, in 2025!

Happy New Year in advance! 

The Past Decade

There's less than 2 weeks before I officially enter a new decade. Facebook memories have been reminding me of my previous posts from a decade ago, when I then also entered a new decade.

Back then, I wanted a big celebration; and thanks to the best sister in the world, I got a week-long celebration. It started off with me dyeing my hair copper/red; then family slowly started to arrive, and everything culminated in a party with family and friends. I woke up to my first hang over, puking twice...but it was a good week.

After all the festivities, I then came up with a bucket list of things to do in the next ten years. Almost halfway through the decade, I had almost completed my list with certain additions/amendments made to the list.

And so, as the days heads towards my birthday, here is the update on my 'Bucket List For The Next Ten Years'':

1) Travel! To Cambodia, Philippines, Bali, India - I did not get to travel to the countries listed (although I came close to going to Cambodia but Covid struck so...) but...I did go to Vietnam and Hong Kong.

2) Take my parents back to Hong Kong (does not count as travel) and visit the places where my parents started their married life in - this was a dream come true for my sister and I because we managed to fulfill this dream for both my parents and ourselves. It was our first overseas family trip in years; and to be able to bring them back to where it all started was just a blessing. 

3) Take a class - either pick up an instrument, learn a new language (Spanish, Mandarin, Hindi?), learn how to swim or take up a sport's class (like yoga or pilates)  - well, I started taking piano lessons which lasted for a year, but something else (something bigger and more important) took precedence, so I decided to put my lessons on hold. 

4) Exercise! - Um well....I did start exercising especially when I was so into those fun runs/walks. I used to go jogging/walking to build my stamina for those 5km, 7km runs/walks. Alas, once Covid hit, joining those runs/walks stopped and so did my exercise. 

5) Improve my Tagalog. Balut! - Instead of improving my Tagalog, what I did was be brave and tried balut! And...it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be!

6) Wear a dress (and a saree does not count) - I wore a dress numerous times much to my discomfort. Once was a cheongsam for a CNY do at work; and the other was when I was a maid of honour at my cousin's wedding. Wearing that red lace dress (may have) led to the 'something bigger and more important' that I mentioned above. I also wore dresses for two other weddings.

7) Go out and socialise more!! Make new friends!!  - Now this was the hardest to do and I am not very sure I actually fulfilled this. But...I did go out and I do have new friends, so I'm claiming that it's done. 

8) Get a new car! - After more than 10 years with my Kancil, I finally got myself a new car! 

The list above was what I had planned to achieve in 10 years. But I did a couple of more things as well such as, para-sailing and getting on a banana boat ride. But I think the one that takes the cake above all is....I got a boyfriend, I got engaged....and I got married! 

Yes, while I know that getting a boyfriend, getting engaged and getting married should not be on someone's bucket list, it's still a huge event that changed my life forever. And it happened in the decade where I decided that I needed some change. 

With less than 2 weeks to go, I have been thinking about what I want to do for my birthday. I have applied for leave (which I always do anyway); but I really do not know what I want to do. I don't want the big party that I had 10 years ago; but I do want to spend time with my family. My sister and husband may have something planned (I am still not sure lol) but I guess I'll find out soon enough. 

Till my next entry in my new decade....ciao! 

One Year

*Late entry*

December 17th 2023 

Exactly one year ago, Ben and I took our vows and promised before God and our loved ones, that we will always "have and to hold", 'in sickness and in health"....."till death do us part".

One year.....I know that people always say that time flies; but I have to repeat that time indeed FLEW!

It has been a year of adapting, compromising, tolerating, learning and adjusting. It has not been easy at times but we persevered and learned. We started as two individuals, one who has been living on his own for more than 10 years; and me who have not lived without my family for more than 3 months. 

Agreeing to who sleeps on which side of the bed is still an ongoing argument. Me leaving the dish wash sponge in the soap dish; he leaving his t-shirts and shorts on the dining table chair. Of course these are all small and petty stuff that every married couple faces but I am thankful for these. For it is through these that I learn a bit more about my husband every day and I hope vice versa!

Yes there are days when we don't agree on stuff and we pull long faces but we talk it out, listen to each other and come through to the other side of the disagreement together. We acknowledge that we are different individuals with differing opinions but we always try to come to a compromise. It's not easy because we are both stubborn but we manage.

We did not have a big first year anniversary celebration. But we did enjoy a spa massage courtesy of the bestest sister in the world; and then we went back to the place where we had our second date for dinner. It was low key but relaxing. Perhaps I should broach the idea of having a big anniversary celebration every 5 years. That way we will have time to save and plan.

It's been a year and yet, I keep re-watching the videos of I have of my wedding. I sometimes even get teary eyed and find myself smiling to myself like an idiot. It's like traveling back in time, experiencing it all over again. Yes, it's cheesy but hey....it's my wedding and we only get to do it once. And no matter what others say, I think my wedding was the BEST celebration of a union of a couple and of two families. 

And so.....as one year passes and another year begins, I look forward to more memories, more love, more laughter, more smiles.....more of everything.....