Have you watched them sleep?

- I wrote this awhile back and it came out in The Star. Thanks Aunty Lita for reminding me about it!-

I RECEIVED a message on my Friendster account the other day. It was one of those forwarded messages, the type I would usually scan briefly before hitting “delete”.

But this message, written in Bahasa Malaysia, started with a simple question that caught my attention. A rough translation of it goes like this:

“Have you ever watched your parents while they were asleep? Your father’s body, once big and strong but now, the big is withered and the strong is weaker. Wisps of grey peek out from his hair, wrinkles now “scar” his forehead and face.

This man works hard every day and would sacrifice anything to make sure his family is provided for and his children get the best education possible.

Or how about your mother, whose soft hands once cuddled and held you close when you were a baby? Now, those hands are dry and rough, bearing evidence of the challenges she faced just for us.

This woman takes care of our daily needs, constantly nagging and scolding us because of her love for us. But sadly, we often misconstrue her love as control and unfairness.”

I have never thought of watching my parents while they slept. I’ve watched my cousins sleep when they were babies, all round and cuddly and sweet smelling. But watch my parents? No way!

But after reading this message, I realised that there was indeed much truth in it. In fact, my parents do not have to be asleep for me to realise that they have aged.

Just looking at my mother walk tells me that her legs are not as strong as they were before. Or hearing her ask me for help with that flowerpot in the garden, the one she used to be able to push and drag around the garden without my help.

Or watching my dad lift a 10kg bag of rice. I can easily carry that bag now. I am young. But to him, it is a struggle.

What do all these observations tell me? Yes, my parents have aged. They are ageing, just as I am ageing. But as I age towards my best years and become stronger, they in turn are becoming weaker. They were once the caregivers and I the receiver. In time, I know our roles will reverse. Like it or not, want it to or not, this is life.

I suppose I have always subconsciously thought that my parents would always be with me, never growing old. It took that message to make me realise that my parents are not immortal. That they, too, will one day leave the world and me. Until then, I will make good use of our time together.

English

My family and I pride ourselves in having a good grasp of the English language. We speak, read, write, think, quarrel and joke in English. Though by right, I should be speaking Tamil and Tagalog, those are the very two languages that have been pushed or rather side-lined as English has been used in our home from the very beginning. Attempts at learning Tamil has just made me not want to learn the language although I can understand the basic. As for Tagalog, I've more interest in this language as I think it's easier and there are more interesting ways to learn it - from watching telenovelas where there are cute guys, to listening to songs. Even my colleagues are Filipinos and though I have spent two years working with them, I've NOT improved much on my Tagalog. My understanding has improved but not my speaking.

Now...I've written countless essays, articles, emails and now blog entries, and though I am one of those who correct other people's mistakes (i.e. when they speak or write), I have made glaring and embarassing mistakes myself! Simple mistakes that are overlooked even when I take the time to check and read through whatever I have written. 'Living' is spelled as 'leaving'; the use of 'had' and 'have' have been confused at times; 'swapped' has been used instead of 'swiped'; even 'he' and 'she' mistakes have been made.

When I read my sister's blog, I always (though it's sub-consciously) look for mistakes in spelling, grammar and sentence structure. Sometimes I find it funny, sometimes I get irritated that such a minor, simple mistake was done. And yet....it's not as though I am perfect either! I have made those mistakes! Granted that sometimes the mistake is due to a typing error but sometimes, what you think and what you actually put down comes out so differently.

I'm not a perfectionist but I am slightly OCD. And yet...it's not OCD enough to realise the mistakes I've made. Sighs...I'm pretty sure that when I read this entry again, I'll not find any mistakes. A few days later...and I WILL find a mistake!

Those were the days

My sis and I were in the shop as we usually are on a Saturday afternoon. She had just returned from class and was telling mum and I about how she and her friends were talking about their childhood and the things they used to do. This brought back memories to me - some happy, some funny, some just weird.

One incident that I clearly remember was the time when I was attacked by a crow. A neighbour had left their rubbish bin uncovered and there was a crow picking at the plastic bag that was in the bin, trying to break through the plastic to get to the food. Mum saw and anticipated the mess that would happen and asked me to shoo the crow away and cover the bin. Being naive, I did just that - I shooed the crow away, covered the bin and ignited the crow's rage. As I walked back to where my mum was sitting (she was chit-chatting with a few other ladies), a crow (I'm pretty sure it was the crow I chased away) came directly at me and scratched my forehead!! I was attacked by a crow!! I had 3 red lines on my forehead; 3 lines that I showed to my mum to which she just laughed!! Ever since that incident, I've been wary of crows. Not to mention that they can fly and just conveniently unload poo on you or your car.

Another incident that came to mind involved my sister. She was about 3 or 4 years old and during this time, we used to follow my mum to the market. We had to walk through a kampung area where there were geese, dogs and my sister's favourite animal, CHICKENS. My sister is afraid of these birds although she just LOVES to eat them!! Anyway, back to my story...one morning when we were on the way home back from the market, mum saw a few chickens running loose and shouted at my sister, saying "Look! The chickens are running after you!". Being terrifed of the birds, my sister started running blindly and promptly ran into a pole! Haha!! This story has stuck in not only her memory but also my mum's and mine!

And then there were the times when the electricity would go off for a few hours and when it was dark outside, the neighbourhood adults (i.e. my dad) would put on bedak sejuk and "become" the ghost, scaring us kids. Or the time, when we had water-gun fights. My mum actually bought the super-power shooting water-gun to fight off us kids who had the cheap, sundry-shop type. When things got out of hand, out came the garden hose!! Boy were we soaked!

Leaving in a neighbourhood where most of the neighbours are friendly and respectful made all the difference. I can't imagine all these happening if we were living in an apartment of condo.

To watch my younger cousins now, as they grow, I actually feel for them as they will not have these kind of memories - of playing out in the garden with the neighbour's kids or having a parent actually join in the fun!

Sighs....what wonderful memories! Ones to treasure till the end..

Another year....WISER!

It's June the 4th...my favourite day of the year simply because I made my parents the happiest people on Earth, 26 years ago when I was born. Lol! How perasan!!

Sighs...another year has passed since I celebrated turning 1/4 of a century. Today, two people who called to wish me commented on how "old" I was getting!! Oh PLEASE!!! Haven't they heard?? 26 is the new 20!! :D Somehow, I don't find myself fretting over being "a year older". Yes...when people comment that I am nearing 30, I do brush it off and all; but honestly, I don't see the fuss. I feel young, I look young (hopefully!!), so why should I THINK OLD?? If anything, I'd rather say I've turned a year WISER, SMARTER, STRONGER...anything positive!!

My mum and a friend of mine from work can't seem to understand why I like celebrating my birthday. To them, if it's possible that no one knows it's their birthday, that'll make their day. As for me, the more people know, the better it is!! I probably take this trait after my dad. He's the type that would call people to "hint" to them that it's his birthday or our birthday, much to our chagrin!

I started getting SMSes and calls at the stroke of midnight. By morning, my hp had an attack from a barrage of SMSes. It continuously beeped. Then I came online to check my emails. I took leave from work as I don't want to spend my birthday working!! Anyway, as the page to my email downloaded, the list of notification emails from Facebook greeted me. I went through everyone of them, despite knowing that I could just log-in to Facebook and read it at one go. As I read one notification after another, my heart warmed at the greetings and wishes from family and friends.

Then I logged into Facebook and re-read the same greetings!! I know - WEIRDO!! Sighs...recently...I've read a few comments from people about how impersonal Facebook is although it does help us maintain contact with people we've not met/seen for ages. Reading my greetings/messages, I had to disagree with those comments. Because, without Facebook, I'd probably get less wishes/greetings/love. Less family and friends from afar would take the time and spend the money to call or SMS. And I wouldn't even expect them to. But with Facebook, things have changed. LOL...I'm beginning to sound like a Facebook advocate!!

Anyway, I'll stop here for now. I need to go get ready as I'm having lunch with a good friend. It's our birthday lunch - it was her birthday yesterday!! :-)