2017: Year of Change?

And once again, as the days of 2017 near the end, my yearly reflective mood descends upon me. And as always, I try to remember the highlights of the past 12 months, be it happy or sad.

There have been years when my end of the year entries have been done by month (which would mean that the year was a productive one and I could remember everything); and then there were years when I hardly wrote anything.

This year...I'm not really sure what to make of this year. I did new things; I finally traveled after a long time; I (think) I made new friends; I joined a 7km fun run and completed it...

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So the "did new things" part had much to do with clothing. Yes, after my Cheongsam wearing stint for CNY and wearing a saree again for two weddings, for my birthday this year, I shut out all doubts and wore a bikini! And posed shamelessly! *cringe* To anyone else, it is no big deal; but for someone who is very self-conscious about her body, wearing a bikini, posing and and then posting the pictures online for all to see....it is a big deal indeed! I am not sure if I will ever wear the bikini again though, because I am not sure if I can pull it off another time; and, for all I know, lady luck was probably shining on me that weekend, thus the nice pictures.

Bikini in June, and a month later, I was in a real dress (I say real because apparently a Cheongsam is not counted). I was the maid-of-honour at my cousin's wedding, so there I was, in a red dress, walking down the aisle (I wonder if that would be my one and only time walking down the aisle?). On top of that, I was also made up by a professional make-up artist! I am not sure if I liked the amount of make up on my face though.

As mentioned in one of my previous entries, September saw the Shunmugam Sisters travel again after a long time. Vietnam was kind to us and got us yearning for more travels.

September also saw me becoming closer to a group of colleagues; although I am still not sure if some of us have crossed the bridge from colleague to friend. Mixed signals perhaps? Or misread signals? I suppose time will tell, but then again it might not. I don't know. I think I'll just let it be.

Deepavali this year was the second family reunion. 16 out of 20 cousins from dad's side returned to Penang, and finally, after a long time, Deepavali felt like how it was during my childhood. Although the majority of us are adults, when we are together, the kid in us comes out. For the first time ever, we cousins had our own gathering away from the adults. And man...it was fun. It should be a start of a yearly "tradition" of cousins gathering.

I nearly killed myself while preparing for a 7km run. Ok that is an exaggeration, but after years of wanting to join these kind of runs/walks, I finally signed up for a Christmas Eve Fun Run. I actually thought it was a walk, but my dear sister then clarified and told me that it was actually a RUN (dumb blond mistake!). And when I found out it was a run, I started to worry. I do not have the best of stamina, and neither do I exercise; so to run 7km non-stop would be asking for trouble. One week before the run, I started "training" and 3 days in, I overexerted myself. Thankfully, I recovered in time and completed the run in less than an hour! Yes, I was determined to finish the run and get the medal!

And then it was Christmas. Mum decided not to go to KL this year, so Christmas morning was spent opening presents, and then we had our yearly Christmas lunch. Ahh...the beauty of being in a mixed race family, being able to celebrate and come together for two religious festivals.

Of course, having attended 3 weddings this year, I had my fair share of "when is it your turn" questions. You'd think that after awhile, despite getting the same answer year in and year out, people would get tired of asking the same question. Apparently NOT! I've got to keep up with these people and come up with new answers. Any suggestions? These people think that getting a boyfriend is so easy. *rolls eyes* Of course they argue that I am choosy bla bla bla....yeah right!

The one struggle that I faced this year was about finances. Yes, to those who know me, they know what a scrooge I am (and I have written about this so many times!). At the beginning of the year, I told myself that I would change my spending habits. Which I did. The struggle? Seeing my bank balance grow not as much as I would have liked it to. But hey, I still managed to save without actually depriving myself of doing the things I wanted to. Lesson Learned: Do what I want while I still can.

And so...the year ends once again. But somehow, unlike previous years where I have felt nostalgic or even melancholy, this year, there is a certain sense of anticipation (or is it excitement?) that I am feeling.

While I have made "grand plans" for next year (I refuse to call them resolutions), this feeling of anticipation seems to be coming from somewhere unknown. Maybe it is just God's way of telling me that good things are in store for me. After all, it is all in His Hands no? (Suddenly I am reminded of this entry: http://shaks-soliano.blogspot.my/2014/12/believe.html). 

My motto for next year: Keep an Open Mind and Heart!

Deo Volente (God Willing)
There is no truth superior to Me. Everything rests upon Me, as pearls are strung on a thread - B:7

Happy New Year Everyone! 

Of Walls Breaking and Barriers Falling Down

A few people have told me that I have "walls" around me. These invisible barriers that surround me, making me seem aloof, unapproachable, distant. When I was first told this, I was surprised. I mean, really? I begin to wonder if this was the reason I had so few friends; or that guys rarely approached me. I wondered about how these walls or barriers came to exist. Was it a result of my upbringing? Or did I develop this as I grew up, not realising that it became part of my personality?

I had always thought I was quiet; an introvert. Hence my handful of friends, my reluctance to constantly hang out...in fact, even my family has said that I'm the quiet type, a homebody.

But...1.5 years into my new job, and suddenly, I'm being told that I was never the quiet type. That I was only quiet in novel situations or around strangers. People who have known me for years now tell me that they never saw me as an introvert; quiet yes but introvert, no. In fact, I have apparently changed to being more open now; that my personality have changed and that I am now "coming out of my shell."

This comes as a surprise, a pleasant surprise; but a surprise nonetheless. In fact, to be honest, I too feel that I have changed. I guess taking the step to move on to something new (and better) must have worked its magic. While it was a really difficult decision to make and to also leave the comfort that I had, the new step proved to be much more rewarding.

I am happier. I laugh more. I have new friends (yes friends, not just colleagues. Old colleagues are now friends too). I am trying new things. I am moving forward.

The fear that I had when I decided to make the change was rational. But I guess, if I did not take that step, I would never have known the person that I could be.

Just this past week, I had dinner with my friends who were once my colleagues, and they told me that I have indeed changed. While I am still trying to figure out the wall/barrier thing, I guess just like how it unconsciously built itself around me, it is now tearing itself down.

Oh ya....I also have to accept that I am not as graceful or poised as I thought I was; and neither am I charming! Haha! My kind and truthful friends laughed when I asked them if I was graceful and charming. Then they proceeded to tell me that I am more like a giraffe, while my colleagues said I remind them of Jar Jar Binks!! Oh well...

It is the last month of 2017 and wow....time has indeed flown by. In about 3 weeks, a whole new chapter begins. And I wonder what new adventures are in store for me....