11.2.2026 - That Day.
3.48pm - That Call. The haunting words that keep replaying in my head. "I think amah passed away." My heart immediately stopped.
It is a call that no one ever wants to receive. Be it from a hospital or relative or friend. But to receive it from one of your parents, hearing the urgency and worry/panic in the voice speaking to you, one has to steel one's self to concentrate and really understand what is being said.
Fear gripped and squeezed the heart. Frustrated tears poured, along with words of prayers spewing out the mouth. All these while trying to navigate through horrendous traffic, hoping that the call was just a sick nightmare. Every call now turns my stomach, fear creeps in, my body goes into numbness, bracing myself to hear whatever is on the line.
That Find - The first image upon arriving, still haunts me every time I close my eyes. It is not the image I want to remember, but it is the image that has caused the most pain and is the hardest to forget. I now often find myself shaking my head trying to push the image out of my head.
That Drive - I also didn't think that that day would be the last time she would be in my car, that it would be our last drive together. For ten days, I couldn't bring myself to drive.
We saw her twice more before she was dressed up for the final time. It was a conscious decision to spare my father the agony of having to identify her, to see her in that state that no one should ever experience. As hard as it was, only my sister and I will carry that burden till we die. Only recently I was told that my husband was with me but I had blanked him out completely in that moment. I still don't remember him being there, holding me, supporting me, being my rock.
We're all grieving in our own ways. Dad lost his life partner of more than 45 years. My sister, being the youngest and still living with her, lost her lookalike. I, as the eldest, lost a role model as mum was also the eldest daughter/child. Grandma lost her second child. People lost a sister, friend, aunt, cousin, sister in law....
It was always the 3 of us. Like the Three Stooges. The BeeGees. Huey, Dewey and Louie. The trinity has now broken. Not forgetting Dad of course. He was always like Charlie from Charlie's Angels. And his first angel is now gone.
What remains now are two daughters' hearts bound together with an invisible rope interwoven with love and memories of a wonderful, strong woman.
