The perspicacious Warsan Shire and Michael Jackson

later that night

i held an atlas in my lap

ran my fingers across the whole world

and whispered

where does it hurt?

it answered

everywhere

everywhere

everywhere.

- excerpt from “what they did yesterday afternoon” by Warsan Shire

Nine lines. These nine lines perfectly encapsulate all that is going on in the world today. When I came upon these nine lines on a friend’s FB profile, it struck a chord within me. It just hit me. I kept re-reading the lines because it’s just so right. The WHOLE WORLD is indeed hurting EVERYWHERE.

To me, the words are profoundly haunting. I know that some people will call me crazy when I say that I feel the words; but just as how some people connect so deeply and emotionally with a song and its lyrics, similarly, I too sometimes become intensely absorbed in a book (or its character) or a piece of writing.

With the tragedies and catastrophes that the world has endured and will no doubt, continue to endure, I cannot help but envisage a time when, if the world was asked where it hurt, the answer would be “nowhere my child, for I am at peace.”

And while wait for that to one day happen…I shall continue to ask the same questions that MJ asked in the Earth Song:

What about sunrise

What about rain
What about all the things
That you said we were to gain...
What about killing fields
Is there a time
What about all the things
That you said was yours and mine...
Did you ever stop to notice
All the blood we've shed before
Did you ever stop to notice
The crying Earth the weeping shores?

What have we done to the world
Look what we've done
What about all the peace
That you pledge your only son...
What about flowering fields
Is there a time
What about all the dreams
That you said was yours and mine...
Did you ever stop to notice
All the children dead from war
Did you ever stop to notice
The crying Earth the weeping shores

--

What’s in a name?

I have never really appreciated my name. My sister and I, and in fact, almost all of my cousins were named by my grandmother. When we were born, my grandmother would consult with the temple priest on our dates and times of birth, and after studying the positions of the stars and planets, the priest would then provide the tone in which our names should sound. For example, my tones were “Du”, “Da”, or “De”. And so, I was given the name Devi Shakunthala. However, my mother did not like ‘Devi’ to be pronounced first, and so she switched my second name to the front, making it Shakunthala Devi. My spelling differs slightly from the usual as I have the ‘H’ in my ‘thala’ and I don’t know if there is a significance or not.

My sister’s tones were “Vu”, “Va”, or “Vay”; and she was named Vayshnavee, much to my mother’s chagrin, because pronouncing it was and still is a mouthful. For the first days of my sister’s life, I think she was called dictionary. And till today, I sometimes call her that just to irritate her. J

Shakunthala Devi and Vayshnavee are long names and so our names were shortened to Shakun and Vayshna respectively. Just so that people could call our names without fumbling. Of course, we did and still do have our fair share of nicknames/pet names – like Kun for close family members on my mum’s side, while some on my dad’s side call me Girl. I’ve also been called “Jakun” which is not flattering at all. Jakuns are aboriginal people of the southern part of the Malay peninsula, and in no way am I disrespectful to them. It’s just that when people call me “Jakun”, it’s more of a teasing (insult?) to mean that I am backward, from the jungle etc.

Anyway, I’ve always wondered what the meaning of my name was as people constantly asked. When I asked my grandmother, she once told me that I was named after one of God’s favourite dancers. That left me perplexed, and I never asked her again. I did know however that there was an Indian lady who shared the same name as me: Shakuntala Devi (4 November 1929 – 21 April 2013) was an Indian writer and mental calculator, popularly known as the "human computer". A child prodigy, her talent earned her a place in the 1982 edition of The Guinness Book of World Records. And people just assumed that I was named after her.

I also knew that Shakuntala was the main character in Kalidasa’s plays. The name Shakuntaladevi generally means Wife of Dushyant or Brought up by birds, and is of Sanskrit, Indian origin. Meaning of Shakuntala: Derived from Sanskrit (shakunta) meaning “bird”. This is the name of the main character in the 5th-century play ‘Abhijnanashakuntalam’ by Kalidasa. It tells how Shakuntala, who was raised in the forest by birds, meets and marries the king Dushyanta. After a curse is laid upon them Dushyanta loses his memory and they are separated, but eventually the curse is broken after Shakuntala shows the king the ring he gave her.

My sister’s name, though harder to pronounce, has a more straightforward meaning. Vaishnavi (Vaishnodevi) is also a Matrika goddess, considered as the shakti of Vishnu/worshipper of Vishnu. Vaishnavi (or Vyshnavi) is also a given name, in the Hindu tradition of naming children after spiritual personalities.

I have for so long under appreciated the unique-ness (though I don’t know why people say it’s unique because I know at least two other people with the same name) and traditional value of my name. But I have now come to embrace it. I had once thought of giving myself an English name – Natasha; I have even asked my mother why she never included her surname as part of my name. Yes I know, how childish. But thank God, I have grown up enough to appreciate the beautiful gift that was given to me. Not forgetting the countless times where people from all walks of life have commented on my (and my sister’s) “beautiful, exotic, and completely traditional” name. (You can call me vain now). 

I guess our names do not really reflect how we look physically. My sister doesn’t look Indian at all and so, when she introduces herself, people are often surprised that not only is she Indian, but she has a unique, traditional (and tough to pronounce) name. I look Indian (hands down) but people still don’t expect me to have a name such as Shakunthala Devi. I guess it’s a really traditional name that in this day and age, is losing ground to names such as Sneha or Shreya.

From now on, I am going to proudly embrace and appreciate the gift that was given to me so lovingly all those years ago…

A new adventure is about to begin…..

I’ve been on leave for about 2 months already. And in another 11 days (how ironic is it that it will be April Fools’ Day), a new phase in my life will begin. Yes…after making the difficult decision to leave my first job, I am about to start a new one soon. One that is totally different from my previous job – a challenge that I am ready to take on. I worked on a broad range of human rights issues for the past 8 years; this time, my area of focus is narrowed down to one basic human right: the right to water. While I feel a tinge of sadness that I am leaving the huge arena of human rights struggles, I am consoling myself that in this new job, I am (somewhat) still connected to human rights work albeit in a different way. Of course, I don’t intend to stop raising awareness and supporting the causes that I used to advocate. I’ll just be doing it in a different capacity.

As time passes, circumstances change, people grow, and you realize that the time has come to move on. And that is what I am doing. No looking back. No regrets.

As I embark on my new journey, I hope to make new friends, strengthen old friendships, and just enjoy the ride to wherever it leads me!!!!

2016....decisions, new paths, new journey

23 days into the new year and so much have happened. 

The first day of work turned out to be the  day I set my last day of work. Yes, after much thought and deliberation, I finally found the courage to make the (brave) decision to leave my job. The one and only job that I have known the entire 8 years of my working life. My FIRST job!! 

All throughout the year end holidays, I tormented my mum , sis and friends about my reluctance (?), fear and worry about tendering in my resignation. As I said in my last entry of 2015, the year was not a good year for me, work wise. As the year progressed, the decision to leave became clearer and justified. In the end, the relief I felt when I made the decision was immense. 

Nevertheless, having made the decision, the worry then turned to nervousness and trepidation. How was I going to face my boss? More so especially since I was her PA and she relied on me quite heavily. And so...all through the year end holidays, I rehearsed what I was going to say, I even role-played with my mum. Jan 3rd 2016 was a nerve breaking Sunday. 

Going into work on Jan 4th with my resignation letter in hand, I was a bundle of nerves. I am usually the first person in the office and I had to wait for nearly 2 hours before my boss came in. And when she did...I did not want to spoil her first day back at work with bad news, but it was something that I NEEDED to do. And so, with a deep breath, I handed her my letter and waited. 

I think the climax that I was anticipating fizzled out rather quickly as all my boss said was "Oh ok." I don't know if it was in shock or if she had anticipated it. And she didn't even ask why!! But, having been there for 8 years, I felt the need to give her an explanation; and as we got talking, she praised me for making this "really good decision" and said that, while she would miss me terribly and that I was the best PA ever (!!), she understood my need, reason for wanting to leave. 

While the relief I felt was tremendous, I could not help but feel a bit let down. Perhaps I had anticipated her to fight for me to stay; or bombard me with questions. Alas....it was like a mutual break-up. One which, now that I look back on, was good for both of us. After all, we're related and would most probably see each other at functions. So to part on good terms and being able to remain civil to each other was good.

So I only had to work for around 2 weeks and Jan 22nd was my last day at work. In between those dates, I had attended several interviews, some of which I am still waiting for a reply. I must say that I have been lucky to be able to get several interviews within such a short space of time. I do hope to get a job soon too as I really don't want to be job-less for too long. 

In the meantime, I'll enjoy my holidays; I hope to go out more and socialise; take up a class or join a gym, and most definitely send more time with my family.

2016 has just began and so has the next phase of my life!