The only certainty in life

The only certainty in life is DEATH. We know we are all headed that way. It's not a matter of IF but a matter of WHEN and HOW. Though some may say that the HOW is not important considering the fact that we are all going to die anyway; to me, the HOW is important. Especially since it'll create a big impact on my family and friends. Yes...I am not afraid to admit that I do not want to suffer before I die. I pray that I will not be condemned with any illnesses, or get my life snatched away in a freak accident. Nevertheless, that is personal. What I am more concerned about is how my death will affect my love ones.

If I were to have a terminal illness, I would not be the only one suffering. If I were to die in a freak accident, the people I leave behind will be the ones suffering. To me, that is the last thing I would want my love ones to endure. Suffering and pain because of me.

I know many will be wondering what's gotten into me? Why am I talking about death all of a sudden? Well, my grand-uncle passed away suddenly on Wednesday. He had a fall about two weeks back, was admitted to the hospital and didn't return alive. This is the 3rd death (on my father's side) since 2002. First was my grandfather, then my uncle in 2007 and now my grand-uncle. All 3 men died in the hospital. All from an illness. So is it any wonder why I fear going the same way?

But I digress. I witnessed my grand-aunt's heart breaking. As she sat next to her husband's coffin, talking to him; as she watched her wedding saree (of more than 40 years) cover his coffin; and as she said her final goodbye as the hearse drove away, I could only imagine what was going through her mind. The lost she felt. The impending loneliness awaiting. While she has all of us around her, it is not the same. While we may provide the comfort and support she needs, losing someone like your husband is major. I pray only the best for her.

Everyone was sad that he had died. But I think what hurt the most was seeing my grand-aunt. She'd already lost weight, having stayed by his bedside everyday,not eating nor resting properly. And to watch him suffer in those final hours, it's a wonder she's still sober and awake.

My point is this: Death is certain. That bars any argument. And, since we can't do anything about death, we CAN do something to parallel the heartbreak it causes. MEMORIES. Create, live and remember good times and bad. When death occurs, one of the things that helps a person cope is memories. At the funeral yesterday, despite the tears and solemn-ness around, we joked and reminisce about the things my grand-uncle used to say or do. And believe it or not, amid the sniffs and tears, there were also smiles and laughter.

And so, you see, despite him leaving abruptly and unexpectedly, the memories he left did, in some way alleviate some of the pain he caused. He was a good man. A loving father, a dedicated husband, a wonderful person.

That is how I want to be remembered. And I hope that, when my time comes, laughter will take precedence over tears and anguish, for I hope, I have and will leave worthy memories for my love ones.

Another year older...and yet she's still...

Come Monday, she'll be another year older. As she moves one more step closer to reaching the mid-50s, the number that denotes the number of years she has existed on this planet stays just that way.

A mere number. For, no matter what that number is, her looks, her body and most of all, her personality belies her true age. She looks younger than most of her peers (in fact, she can actually pass as my elder sister); her body is actually good for someone of her age (though I know she will disagree with me on this) plus she has two kids!!; AND her personality...that's what's keeping her youthful!! In fact, she is so captivating and interesting, that my friends enjoy her company and they actually miss her when they do not see her (much to my chagrin!!). Heck, they even tell me that she's more "in" than I am; and that I am old-fashioned!!

She's a great cook too. For someone who is not of Indian descent, she has mastered the art of cooking Indian dishes, to the point that people can actually mistake her cooking with my grandma's. Talk about compliments!! Isn't that great? To have people not know the difference between your cooking and your mother-in-laws??! Haha!! That means, you're on par with her!!

Overall, she is a great person. A great daughter, sister, wife, mother. SHE is MY MOTHER. And so....Ma, I want to wish you a VERY VERY VERY HAPPY BIRTHDAY. MAY GOD BLESS YOU ALWAYS WITH WHATEVER YOU WANT!!

Valentine's

So...it was Valentine's Day yesterday. And what did I, a single, eligible young woman do to "celebrate" the one day when LOVE is put above everything else? I hung out with another single, eligible girlfriend of mine, Trish.

I met up with her at the law firm where she's working; gossiped with her and her colleagues (as though we were old time friends!!) and was off to Gurney plaza. As expected, the route to the plaza was jam packed. As we inched our way, we started or rather continued our Valentine's Day with what we do best; GOSSIP! When we finally reached the multi-storey carpark, it was a challenge looking for an empty spot. But luck was on our side, as barely 5-minutes later, we found a perfect spot!!

First stop was the gym as she wanted to check out if her "cute guys" were there. After running the "spot check", lunch was at Nando's. It was a choice between Manhattan Fish market or Nando's, but Nando's "won" as I was in the mood for chicken. After a scrumptous meal of Peri chicken, coleslaw, chips and Peri Wedges & Dip, we took a long walk to digest our meal and also get a drink (the drinks at Nando's were super expensive!!).

As our movie was scheduled to start at 4.20pm (I wanted to watch Bride Wars), we headed straight upstairs to get our popcorn and drinks (yes! I know we just had a big lunch!). The queue for the tickets and confectionary were looong. Thank God we'd bought our tickets 2-days earlier, so all we had to do was get our munchies.

When we finally got to Cinema 4, it was already more than 3/4 filled. And barely 10-minutes later, the movie started. The movie was okay although at times it was slow. Nevertheless, it was a feel good movie. There was of course no escape from certain hyena-laughing girls who insisted on giggling and laughing at such a high pitch! Do they really think that is going to attract a guy's attention? It was so damn annoying!! I felt like slapping, not one but numerous girls in that cinema!!

But I digress. After the movie, we went to Chopper board to have a drink and ended up with a bowl each of the famous Chopper Soup!! As we continued our gossiping session, we saw an ex-classmate of ours. We didn't say hi to her though as she was with her bf and of course we didn't want to intrude.

Our tete-a-tete finally had to end when Trish's parents messaged her, asking her to buy dinner. :-) As she drove me home, she commented that, no matter how long we spend time together, we can never finish gossiping!! Haha!!

Overall, this was my first Valentine's that I spent away from my family. Sad, huh? Nevertheless, despite not receiving any flowers, chocolates or cards, I did receive something even more valuable. I re-inforced my friendship bond.

Refreshed

My family and I fulfilled our vows last Saturday, which was the eve of Thaipusam. As I said in one of my entries, I decided to carry a milk pot this year. This is only my second time doing so. Despite numerous "generous" suggestions that I bald my head this year, I stuck to what I could do sincerely and willingly.

We had initially planned to make the journey (from Waterfall Temple to the Hill Top Temple) at 12am Saturday. After gathering at my grandma's house, we all headed to the temple, only to find that it was closed!! Imagine our chagrin at, not only finding the temple closed but also that we were 6 hours too early!! Thank God a priest was there and after clearing the timing with him, we headed back home to get some sleep. According to the priest, the temples will only be open for 24 hours once the chariot leaves the temple at Queen Street. And so...we headed back home to get a few hours' sleep. We usually start our journey at about 6am. I don't know why the plans were changed this year. It was a big joke!!

6am - we once again gathered at my grandma's house. This time, we went to see the chariot first before heading to Waterfall Temple. We usually see the chariot before fulfilling our vows. (This time however, I felt that one of the reasons why we went to see the chariot, was to make sure that it had started its journey; so that we could be assured that the temples will be open!!)

By the time we reached Waterfall Temple, it was bright and already filled with people. We prepared our milk pots and my cousin's kavadi and we were on our way. The journey to the other temple doesn't take long. However, this year, I was accompanied by my little cousin and with her short legs (and I mean it in the most adorable way possible) it took slightly longer as her strides were so short. In fact, we were quite behind compared to my other cousins and aunt who were way ahead of us.

Nevertheless, we caught up. The journey up hill was okay for me. That is, until I was nearly reaching the top when my right leg started to hurt. I put it down to lack of exercise. :-)

Anyway, upon reaching the top, we found that it was filled with people. Apparently, people decided to start on the eve itself. It's not rare for people to start fulfilling their vows on the eve. This year however, the number were double. Triple. There were just so many people. Once we surrendered our offerings, we sat in the temple for awhile. Relaxing our legs!! :D

The journey down hill was of course much easier. And the view was simple beautiful. The oldies (read: grandmas, aunt and amah!! haha!!) were waiting downstairs for us.

Overall, that day proved to be a refreshing day for me. I'd fulfilled my vow (actually, I didn't promise anything. Rather, I prayed for a good year ahead for me and my family) and completed my journey of cleansing myself and my family. I felt clean (spiritually), blessed and hopeful. I know that God heard me and I am satisfied. :-)

p.s. the crowd that night was so bad that my uncle actually stood for 2 hours as he couldn't move left or right, front or back!! Needless to say, I didn't go to the temple when the chariot arrived. Nor did I go on Thaipusam day itself. My dad refused to let us get caught in the human traffic. The only sad thing I feel is that I didn't get to see any kavadis this year.

Graduation

I "graduated" in 2007. There's a reason why I put the word "graduation" in inverted commas. Wikipedia defines it as, "the action of receiving or conferring an academic degree or the ceremony that is sometimes associated, where students become Graduates."

I have received my degree, although not through in the formal, wearing-the-robe-and-mortar-board-type ceremony. I received mine through Pos Malaysia, while some of my friends had the "honour" of going to the Education Department to get theirs.

I describe "graduation" as, "the action of pestering, nagging and flooding my college principal, my former lecturer and the lecturer in charge with emails, asking them about the ceremony." All my friends and I have gotten so far, is a 'thank you' e-mail from our principal informing us that she has forwarded the matter to the person-in-charge. What bullshit??!!

The next I heard was, they are already planning it and are in the process of booking the hotel and setting the dates!! This however, may be false information (though I highly doubt it's fake as my source is pretty reliable). Seems that I was told of such news just to keep me quiet till I send another email pestering them again!!

Now, most of my friends have given up on ever having the ceremony. But I have not. Why should we give up and forget about it when it's something we deserve after 3 hard years of studying?? It's a testament to our achievements, so why give in? After all, we paid our fees! The college would hold on to our results if we defaulted our monthly payment or failed to pay the outstanding amount. But since none of that happened, they don't have the right to cheat us out of our graduation ceremony!!

I'm pissed!! After all, my graduation was one thing I was looking forward to when I got my results and learned that I had made it!! And when they told us to wait a year coz the number of graduates that year was small...we waited. But now, even after our juniors had gotten their results, we still have no graduation!! I've been asked countless time by family members and relatives, when my graduation is. I tell them that my blasted college have cheated me of one and that I am still fighting for one. Which is the truth!!

*deep breath* This was a sudden entry I decided to post as I could no longer stand thinking about it. Especially when my ex-classmates are receiving their CLP scrolls around this very hour!! And yes, it's the wearing-the-robe-type ceremony.