The First Four Months

The first four months of 2019 have not been good. While the new year often starts on a promising, more hopeful note, 2019 began with the news of the passing of a close friend's grandfather. January also saw my uncle being diagnosed with cancer.

Come February, more bad news hit my family. In a span of about two weeks, my mum's cousin and uncle passed away; one from cancer (!!!) and the other from a heart attack. Cancer continued to haunt my family as Ben's mum was also diagnosed with it. My uncle went under the knife a day before Valentine's, while Ben's mum went under the knife while I was in Hong Kong (work trip). Alas, fate was not on their side as the doctors could not remove everything.

March was a month of prayer, hope, strength and tenacity as both Ben's family and mine did all we could to make our loved ones comfortable. On a slightly happier note in a gloomy month, Ben and I celebrated our 1st year together.

In the weeks following the diagnosing and staging of the killer disease, Ben's mum succumbed to it on the 1st of April. Exactly a week after Ben's mum's passing, my uncle passed too. An impromptu trip to KL to visit him while he was still alive ended with us attending his funeral.

The first four months of 2019 have not been good. I myself had been to the doctor at least 3 times within a month; and my paranoia began to annoy my mum, sis and Ben. I guess everyone was right in that the stress was affecting me. I even missed my monthly cycle in March.

The only positive that I am thankful for so far is the fact that my family and I including Ben have become stronger! We were there for each other, we supported each other, we prayed for each other, we were strong for each other.

The first four months of 2019 have not been good. But, there are 8 months left of 2019, so I am hopeful that this phase will end soon, very soon....bringing with it  renewed hope.

------

On my own issues, I finally made a booking for a new car(!!), that too after much much much thought and debate and annoying of my mum ,sis and Ben. I think Ben saw another side of me.

As I write this, I have also turned down a fairly good job offer which would have increased my salary. However, the job itself is very very vague and the person whom I am to work with does not have a very good reputation. That said, as I am currently very happy where I am, and I know I am doing well, I have decided to remain where I am.

People can and will definitely talk about me being stupid for rejecting the offer; say that I am unambitious....But, I know myself. My family knows me. Ben knows me. Friends know me. And that is all I need. 

2018 Round Up

2019 started good. Though I was away from my family during New Year, it marked a change, a new beginning. And I attribute this to the wonderful 2018 that I had.

So here's a run down of what happened in 2018...

January...

We don't visit our grandmas that often but this year, we decided to start the year by paying my grandmas a visit. Now, one of my grandmas is 90+ years old and is forgetful most of the time. Nevertheless, she is still quite sharp and witty. While grandma no.1 (dad has two mums but I am not going into that here) has not really been pushy when it comes to marriage, she still has that giggly, gossipy streak in her and every now and then would ask if my sis and I have a boyfriend. This visit was one of those where the question was asked; and while my sister could happily tell her "yes", I was called stupid for still being single. Lol! And this was not the first time she has done so.

Perhaps that was a sign of something that was to happen that year. As the month progressed, I went on a drink-which-turned-out-to-be-dinner date thingy with Ben. One dinner turned into another and another, and as the saying goes, the rest is history!

February

February saw my colleagues and I going off to Krabi for a short getaway during CNY. But before my trip, I got a V-day gift from Ben (handmade some more!). Krabi was fun and I went snorkeling for the first time!

I also joined the first of six runs that I took part in all year round; and got medal no.1.

March

This is the month to remember for it was when I officially ended my 'single-ness.' 10 March 2018 - a date to remember.

April

Mum, sis and I went on our first road trip to KL then Melaka to attend a relative's wedding. It was quite the adventure albeit a dangerous one as I nearly fell asleep at the wheel while on the way back from Melaka. This was the first time we traveled by car without dad!

A week after the wedding, my sis and I were back down south, this time for our first ever cousin's outing. After much planning, it finally took place in Port Dickson and almost all but two cousins made it! It was a fun gathering with food, laughter, drinks and noise! We decided that this would be a yearly thing without parents involved!

May

There was yet another wedding this month; but thankfully it was in Penang. Cupid came back from the US for a short trip, and so we had dinner with her. (Cupid is my cousin who got married last year; and whose wedding was where I met Ben)

June

I turned a year wiser this month; unfortunately, Ben was away so we celebrated it when he got back. Being the romantic that he is, he insisted on cooking for me! We also joined a fun run together and he successfully finished it!

July

Nothing much happened this month, other than Ben and I losing the final World Cup bet to my mum and sis. Ben had to pay for four Starbucks drinks (hehehe....he kindly paid for me).

August

Every August, Vay would spend the whole family for her birthday. This time, Dado managed to come again; and even Ben was free. So for the first time, the whole family was together. As a friend said, a "complete family".

September

Runs number 3 and 4 took place in September, with Ben joining one and in the process hurting himself. :(

This was also our 6-month anniversary. I don't fancy celebrating monthsaries but I think 6 months is a ok.

My family and I got free tickets to watch the Moscow Circus and it was good. There were no animals involved much to mum's delight, and for a few hours, we were kids again, laughing at the antics of the clown and awed by the performances. Even dad enjoyed himself!

October

I got medal number 5 this month. Then it was time to prepare for THE trip. The countdown had started months before and by this month, it was less than 30 days to go.

November

This was it! This was what we had been waiting for not only throughout the year, but ever since we put it on our bucket list! Bags packed, tickets and passports in hand, off to KL then HK we went! Deepavali week was spent in HK, with Vay, Claire and I spending Deepavali day in Disneyland! As mentioned in my previous entry, this trip was a dream come true for both my sis and me. We finally did it - we took our parents back to HK and ticked it off our bucket list! Woo! i must say, this trip wouldn't have happened if not for Vay's researching and Ben's help when we hit a snag.

December

The last month of the year saw one of Vay's close friends get married. Being a Punjabi, the celebrations were 5 days long and boy was it an experience! The whole experience left me with mixed emotions. I can't imagine Vay's wedding. That would be emotional! As for mine...let's see how I feel in a couple of years.

After the celebrations, it was back to work to finish anything pending before the Christmas and New Year breaks began. The last run of the year, which was 2 days before Christmas gave me medal number 6.

2018 saw Vay and I spend New Year's eve away from Penang and our parents. Vay was in Langkawi with Dado; while I was invited to join Ben's yearly family outing. The trip was to KL for 3D4N - and the highlight of the trip was Sunway Lagoon. It has been years since I went to Sunway Lagoon, and to go back as an adult was fun. Most of you know what a scaredy cat I am when it comes to heights and speed - combine both into rides and well....you can guess what happened. Ben is the complete opposite - if possible, he wanted to sit on every ride and slide. Alas, he only managed 3 if I am not mistaken; and he was hardly wet let alone soaked during the time he was there. I admit that I kinda spoiled his day especially when we left a ride after sitting down, simply because I got too scared. In a way, it was a waste of money spent on me. :(

New Year's eve was uneventful until about 10 minutes before midnight. After dinner, the group was kinda split into two - some adults were gambling, while the others watched and reminisced over old photos and videos. At 11.50pm, everyone stopped what they were doing to gather around and wait for the countdown. When the clock struck midnight, cheers of 'Happy New Year' rang out; and then everyone sang Auld Lang Syne much to my surprise! It was a nice feeling to be in that surrounding. Dad was working so I called him; and mum finally got her wish to be by herself. Lol!

Overall, 2018 was a good year, if not great. Many things happened, and I honestly can't remember anything bad happening. It will be a year, which, when I look back on, I will smile, for family, love, happiness and creating memories was what 2018 was all about!

p.s. One thing which I did not put in my round up is the fact that I have put on weight! In March, I was 43kg; and by December, I was 49.9kgs. This weight gain caused me to go shopping TWICE; and I had to give away 17 pairs of my coloured jeans and work pants which I can no longer fit in. While part of me is happy with the weight gain (apparently I look better now), I am not happy that the "gaining" is only at my hips and tummy area. A friend says that Ben caused this "miracle" to happen. Well...I plan to maintain this "miracle" weight and not gain anymore! Just imagine...from an XS to M!

Happy New Year everyone!

Another One off The List!!

This entry is about two months late...

Finally, after years of talking about it, and months of research and planning, our dream to take our parents back to HK happened! Yes! 5th November 2018 was the much awaited date; and as the days grew closer, the excitement mounted. We could not believe that it was actually happening.

Day 1

Passing over the sea, looking down at the boats and ships sailing, and then you see the buildings! Touching down in HK and then going through immigration and baggage claim went by in a breeze. Thought the lines were long and the airport being so big, we managed to find our way pretty well. And before we knew it, we were on the free hotel shuttle and off we were to our hotel. Our first ride in the shuttle was crazy! The driver drove as though he was a roller coaster driver; and we had to hang on to our seats.

The hotel was located on the corner of the street, with one side facing the Happy valley Turf Club; and the other a cemetery. We were lucky enough to get a room with the view of the buildings and part of the turf club. Once we checked in and got settled, we went to look for food as it was early 4pm by then.

Now we all knew that HK was expensive but seriously... our first meal costs HKD400+ for 5 people; and we only had fried rice and noodles. The famous milk tea was nothing to shout about either. That was an indication of the food "journey" we were about to have.

Our first day ended with a visit to the famous Ladies Market at Mongkok. Once we got a hang of the subway routes, travel was easy; although the amount of walking we did throughout the trip was enough to award us with multiple marathon medals. The market was not as busy as I thought it would be and although there were some ladies clothing, most of the items were souvenir-based. Nevertheless, most of our shopping was done there!

Day 2

The second day was Deepavali. Claire, Vay and I spent the day apart from mum and dad, as it was DISNEYLAND day! While we spent the whole day at Disneyland, mum and dad met up with old friends and reminisced. Unfortunately, mum took a fall and kind of injured her already "sick" knee; which caused her to limp throughout the remainder of the HK trip. :(

Disneyland was nice. Looking back, I can't say that it was fantastic because a couple of things were off. Cinderella's castle was closed due to renovation; the jungle trekking on a boat through the river was also closed; and there were not many characters around (in fact, there were no princesses). The queue for a photo opportunity with Mickey and Minnie was so long that it we had waited, we would have been waiting for half a day. So no pictures with them. :( We did get pictures with Goofy, Pluto, Tinker bell, Chewbacca, R2D2 and Eeyore. Although we found other characters like Woody and Cowboy Mickey, we were told that the queues were closed.

Food was expensive. We each had a HKD40 Mickey shaped ice-cream; a Mickey shaped waffle for HKD55 each; and our family lunch of a pizza, 2 drinks and 4 chicken wings cost us HKD255. Well, we didnt mind the prices; after all, we were in Disneyland!

What we did mind was the cost of the gifts! There was hardly anything below HKD50. So obviously, no souvenirs were bought. In fact, a cheap Mickey or Minnie hairband that can be bought for less than RM10, cost HKD298 onwards! The "souvenirs" we brought back were the tickets, guide maps and the Mickey shaped plate that came with the waffle. Of course not forgetting the hundreds of pictures we took and the memories that were created. One thing that will not leave my mind is the memory of sitting on a roller coaster, at the end of which I cried.

Day 3

Mum and friends had cautioned us prior to the trip that the weather would be cool as the temperatures were dropping amid it being autumn. So we all packed turtle-necks, long sleeves and brought jackets. Alas, while the winds were cool, the sun was shining bright; there was no need for jackets. But, mum still insisted that Victoria Peak would be much cooler than the city.

Lo and behold, with the sun shining so brightly that I could not open my eyes to take a nice picture, the jacket was useless. Yes, the winds were stronger and cooler, but nothing that warranted a jacket.

As expected, the view was amazing. We went in the afternoon, so we didnt catch the sunset/night view. We also visited Madame Tussauds and had a great time taking pictures with the "celebrities". Even dad got into the mood and took pictures with The Beatles, Anita Mui, the Hulk...

The tram ride up to the Peak reminded me of Penang Hill; only thing is, everyone got a seat so there was no need to brace ourselves when the tram stopped. I didn't like that the return journey was done backwards, in that we were traveling in reverse down the hill!

After Victoria Peak, we returned to the hotel so that mum and dad could rest. Claire, Vay and I continued our exploration, looking for Jollibee, the multinational Filipino fast food chain that was on Claire's must do list. Not only did we find Jollibee, we also found Spaghetti House (a restaurant that mum has talked about got years) and Chungking Mansion, my parents' former abode. Claire had a "jolly" time, nearly eating half the menu in one sitting and even "tapau-ing". After that, the journey back to the hotel was filled with laughs and giggles and we did not even know why. We were all "jolly".

We also found a Victoria Secret BUILDING - it was 4 storeys - but by the time we found it, it was closing. The guard asked us to return the next day, to which we told ourselves that it is a MUST! There was also a Harry Potter shop, so that was added to our list the next day!

Day 4

So Day 4 of our trip was a relaxed day. Initially, we had planned to stay for only 3 nights, but after discussion and so forth, we figured that the cost for an extra night would not harm our budget too much; we were after all already in HK, so why waste the opportunity? Therefore, Day 4 started out on a lazy note. We slept in (very well deserved since we had two full days prior); then we went to look for dim sum. We had dim sum at U-Banquet, a well-known restaurant. The dim sum was not that expensive and it was good. After all the meals that we had over the past few days, this was satisfying.

After breakfast, we walked around our hotel area. Wan Chai was a former red lilght district but now it is a millionaire's district. Cars on the roads were mostly Porches, Lamborghinis, Maseratis....

And so...after the walkabout where Claire, Vay and I splurged in Victoria Secret (I finally got to buy my Bombshell Body Mist in 250ml), mum, dad and Claire returned to the hotel for a break. Vay and I continued our exploration. We headed to the Harry Potter shop which was actually a Context Museum. It was like walking onto a HP set and we wanted to buy everything. But the price tags were a deterrent; nevertheless, we still got a t-shirt each and a few small stuffs. After HP, we headed to another place to find Vay's Starbucks and Duddell Street Stairs.

It was the search for these two that lead us into a mini adventure where we walked for almost 1.5hrs, going through streets and lanes, up and down roads...only to find the place just two streets away from the subway stop that we exited from! Thankfully, the stairs were directly beside Starbucks! Vay got her wish, we got our Starbucks and pie - all were happy except our legs and feet.

We arrived back at the hotel only to leave it again in less than an hour to catch the shuttle to Central, where we were going to take the MTR to go to Temple Street Market. Before that, we had Jollibee for dinner again as Spaghettin House was just too expensive (a simple salad cost HKD168+). Temple Street Market is THE place to go to for shopping but, although the street was long with shops on both sides of the street, most of the items were similar. My dad came in handy this time as his negotiation skills gave us the most gifts with the cheapest price. One seller even commended my dad on his Cantonese and negotiation skills. :P

Walking the long street and stopping at almost every shop was tiring. We decided to have a drink and it cost us HKD29 for a coconut! While having the drink, we met a fellow Malaysian who has been working in HK. It is always nice to bump into fellow Malaysians when you are overseas. There is this instant connection.

Although we were disappointed as there was no clothing or shoes on sale, we still had a good time. With the amount of gifts we brought including the VS stash, or bags were filled to the brim; plus we had additional caryy-on luggage which we did not have when we arrived! Thankfully, none of our luggage exceeded the weight limit.

Last Day

Our last night in HK was spent packing and making sure that everything was kept in out bags and locked properly. Our flight was only in the evening but we decided not to anything on the last day. We slept in; had breakfast in the hotel; and relaxed in the room till it was time to check out. We then took the hotel shuttle to the Hong Kong Station where we took the Airport Express train.

Our HK trip officially ended when we checked in our luggages and headed to our gate for boarding, not before having our last meal in one of the restaurants where Vay suffered through her meal; and the milk tea was once again a disappointment. HK airport is so big that it has 530 gates; and ours was 202! Thank God for the travelator or else Vay or me would have had to carry my mum! Haha...

This trip has been a dream come true not only for myself but for Vay as well. Our parents always talked about their life in HK and have on occassion, said that it would be nice to go back and see how much HK has changed. And ever since they mentioned that, we put it on our bucket list - and it is finally ticked off!

The satisfaction and joy of being able to do this for them, while they are still healthy and are able to enjoy, is the highlight of the year for me. This is just the start of many more trips tat my sister and I are planning. If not yearly, at least once every two years. I think it's been since high school, then college and now work...that we have not had a family trip that was just for fun and bonding, let alone overseas.

So this was timely, and well deserved! 

We're Slowly Getting there

They say that a relationship is a journey; and like any journey, no matter how well it is planned, there will be some kinks or hurdles along the way. It is how we deal/handle those kinks that will decide whether the journey continues or ends.

So, a little more than two months in and we're slowly progressing in our journey together. We talk every day; we meet every week; and time just seems to be passing.

Yes, yes...the relationship is still very new and as cliche as it sounds, we seem to be clicking, connecting...on every level. We're at a point where we are jinx-ing (that's when we say/think of the same thing at the same time) each other on almost every other sentence. Just the other day he said that very soon, we will just have to look at each other and we'll know what the other is thinking.

Of course, we're still in the "honeymoon" period and the 'high' will probably soon dim. But as time passes, there is also this sense of calm which comforts me; encourages me; makes me smile; and most importantly, I am positive and happy!

We don't meet daily, though I know it is something that he would very much like. Nevertheless, he is accepting and understanding. My heart still skips; and the excitement grows whenever our date days approach. And when we do meet, the time spent is more fulfilling and appreciated.

He has been very vocal and open about his feelings for me; while I am the total opposite. Surprisingly (and this is according to him), my actions speaks louder than my words. So I must be doing something right. :-)

Very recently, I had a short moment of anxiety where I questioned myself on whether I was giving enough; was I reciprocating what was given fully and wholeheartedly? I wasn't doubting my feelings for him; but rather, doubting the depth of it. If anything, I just want him to feel as happy and loved as I feel. I am secure and confident in what I want so I knew that this was not going to affect anything. But I felt that it needed to be addressed. Of course, it didn't help that I was also PMS-ing. So I was probably on an emo-coaster. (Poor him will probably have to deal with this occasionally).

The moment didn't last very long; for I talked to him about it (I'm so lucky that he is open and understanding and a good listener). He reassured me, I reassured him and we are fine. If possible, I think my heart is fuller than before. And with him being away for nearly 3 weeks, I think the missing him part was rearing its head.

We have yet to reach the 3-month period; and yet, I feel that we have moved past a small kink. Maybe our emotions are growing onto another level. I don't know.

What I do know is that, things have changed for the better. And to me, this is a sign that we're moving in the right direction.

So to US...let's continue moving ahead!! Looking forward to more positive changes and growth.

<3 nbsp="" p="">

10 March 2018. 9:44pm

So it finally happened after a long time, and people are saying "Finally!".

Someone has caught my heart. Like a movie, we met on the night before my cousin's wedding last July. He was my cousin's classmate. He was eating when I first arrived at the hotel; and amidst the introductions, I had inadvertently misheard his name. So for a couple of hours that night, I called him Kenny. We did not talk much that night; but rather just mingled around as the night was dominated by cousins instead of friends. On the wedding day itself, we just about managed to take a couple of pictures and exchange phone numbers (now thinking back, I wonder if he purposely asked for my phone number with the pretense of asking me to send him our picture...hmmm).

A couple of days after the wedding, he texted asking for the picture; and so began what I thought was a new friendship. Alas, one month in and "Kenny" went MIA! I put his "disappearance" down to him being not interested.

I did not really think much about him over the next couple of months, and even thought of deleting his number. And yet somehow, I never did.

Come Christmas, I sent greetings to all my Christian friends, including "Kenny" (though he was not exactly a friend). Lo and behold, THAT was the start or rather continuance of the friendship. Earlier when we first started texting, he asked if it would be ok for him to text and chat. This time, he asked outright if we could have coffee/drinks some time. I said sure. And then I panicked.

To be honest, I was not instantly attracted to him. When we first met, he had long hair, and he was *ahem* short (he is actually my height but I just have this thing about guys having to be taller than me...so...).

As we continued chatting over text, we finally agreed on a day and time for our "coffee" which turned out to be dinner. The days leading up to the dinner had me worrying and panicking. I wondered if I had made the right decision; and all the what-ifs started hanging around in my head. Up to that Friday afternoon, my stomach was still in knots. To say I was nervous that night would be an understatement. I just hoped that the nervousness could not be seen. We spent nearly 5 hours together, and while I can't say that the nerves went away, I did slowly begin to relax.

That dinner was the start of something that turned special. We started chatting every night, and one dinner soon turned into meeting up almost every weekend. The daily texts continued and soon, I began to have mushy feelings. I didn't really trust myself and the "feelings", and also, I wasn't sure if I was correctly reading the signals that I was getting from him. I had misinterpreted those kinds of feelings before, and I didn't want a repeat.

But alas, before I could continue analyzing the signals, "Kenny" told me that he was crazy about me. I was shocked; simply because it was so fast. At that point, I still wasn't crazy about him, but he was certainly growing on me. I told him this, and he was totally understanding about it, telling me that I had time; and that he would wait. He was and is always open about his feelings and his past. And so, I did not have to wonder. If I wanted to know something, I could simply ask, knowing that he will tell me because he had given me that permission. Plus, he is my cousin's close friend, if anything; I could always ask her, and he doesn't have a problem with that.

We shared many personal stories with each other; my concerns, fears, his history, heartbreak. He was not only understanding, but also very reassuring.

Soon, I met two of his closest friends, whom I must say are really nice people. I'm glad that he has them in his life; people with whom he can just be himself with, no worries, no pretenses. The four of us had dinner once; and last Saturday, we met the wife again for breakfast. I'm happy and very glad to say that we got along well.

And so...after spending more than 12 hours together on Saturday, "Kenny" asked if I would get into a relationship with him. We were driving down Batu Ferringhi and he nervously asked this while at a traffic light. I was quiet for a while, just taking in all the emotions that were coursing through me, while trying to normalise my racing heart. I then took his hand in mine, and said yes/ok (I actually can't remember what I said but it was in the affirmative). That was at 9:44pm on 10 March 2018.

So there you go everyone. I'm officially in a relationship, which means many people's prayers have been answered! Lol! And when people find out, the reaction is "Finally!".

"Kenny's" a romantic, so romantic to the point that I have told him on numerous occasions that he is making me a diabetic! But...that is him and that is part of how he caught my heart. He has, at numerous times, made my heart skip, not one but a couple of heart beats. I'm not romantic per se; I can't do the special dinner, surprise gift thing. So I guess we're balanced. Ying and Yang as he says. We're on the same wavelength on almost everything that our thoughts are so in sync it is kind of creepy! We haven't started finishing each other's sentences yet, but I think it's only a matter of time before that happens.

Introducing him as my boyfriend for the first time yesterday was awkward. There is that hesitant, shy feeling which makes me want to just run and hide. But I better get used to it. Our journey has just begun and I'm excited, nervous, content...and HAPPY!

-----

"Kenny's" real name by the way is Benedict Justin. And he has the cutest dimples! *grin*

2017: Year of Change?

And once again, as the days of 2017 near the end, my yearly reflective mood descends upon me. And as always, I try to remember the highlights of the past 12 months, be it happy or sad.

There have been years when my end of the year entries have been done by month (which would mean that the year was a productive one and I could remember everything); and then there were years when I hardly wrote anything.

This year...I'm not really sure what to make of this year. I did new things; I finally traveled after a long time; I (think) I made new friends; I joined a 7km fun run and completed it...

------

So the "did new things" part had much to do with clothing. Yes, after my Cheongsam wearing stint for CNY and wearing a saree again for two weddings, for my birthday this year, I shut out all doubts and wore a bikini! And posed shamelessly! *cringe* To anyone else, it is no big deal; but for someone who is very self-conscious about her body, wearing a bikini, posing and and then posting the pictures online for all to see....it is a big deal indeed! I am not sure if I will ever wear the bikini again though, because I am not sure if I can pull it off another time; and, for all I know, lady luck was probably shining on me that weekend, thus the nice pictures.

Bikini in June, and a month later, I was in a real dress (I say real because apparently a Cheongsam is not counted). I was the maid-of-honour at my cousin's wedding, so there I was, in a red dress, walking down the aisle (I wonder if that would be my one and only time walking down the aisle?). On top of that, I was also made up by a professional make-up artist! I am not sure if I liked the amount of make up on my face though.

As mentioned in one of my previous entries, September saw the Shunmugam Sisters travel again after a long time. Vietnam was kind to us and got us yearning for more travels.

September also saw me becoming closer to a group of colleagues; although I am still not sure if some of us have crossed the bridge from colleague to friend. Mixed signals perhaps? Or misread signals? I suppose time will tell, but then again it might not. I don't know. I think I'll just let it be.

Deepavali this year was the second family reunion. 16 out of 20 cousins from dad's side returned to Penang, and finally, after a long time, Deepavali felt like how it was during my childhood. Although the majority of us are adults, when we are together, the kid in us comes out. For the first time ever, we cousins had our own gathering away from the adults. And man...it was fun. It should be a start of a yearly "tradition" of cousins gathering.

I nearly killed myself while preparing for a 7km run. Ok that is an exaggeration, but after years of wanting to join these kind of runs/walks, I finally signed up for a Christmas Eve Fun Run. I actually thought it was a walk, but my dear sister then clarified and told me that it was actually a RUN (dumb blond mistake!). And when I found out it was a run, I started to worry. I do not have the best of stamina, and neither do I exercise; so to run 7km non-stop would be asking for trouble. One week before the run, I started "training" and 3 days in, I overexerted myself. Thankfully, I recovered in time and completed the run in less than an hour! Yes, I was determined to finish the run and get the medal!

And then it was Christmas. Mum decided not to go to KL this year, so Christmas morning was spent opening presents, and then we had our yearly Christmas lunch. Ahh...the beauty of being in a mixed race family, being able to celebrate and come together for two religious festivals.

Of course, having attended 3 weddings this year, I had my fair share of "when is it your turn" questions. You'd think that after awhile, despite getting the same answer year in and year out, people would get tired of asking the same question. Apparently NOT! I've got to keep up with these people and come up with new answers. Any suggestions? These people think that getting a boyfriend is so easy. *rolls eyes* Of course they argue that I am choosy bla bla bla....yeah right!

The one struggle that I faced this year was about finances. Yes, to those who know me, they know what a scrooge I am (and I have written about this so many times!). At the beginning of the year, I told myself that I would change my spending habits. Which I did. The struggle? Seeing my bank balance grow not as much as I would have liked it to. But hey, I still managed to save without actually depriving myself of doing the things I wanted to. Lesson Learned: Do what I want while I still can.

And so...the year ends once again. But somehow, unlike previous years where I have felt nostalgic or even melancholy, this year, there is a certain sense of anticipation (or is it excitement?) that I am feeling.

While I have made "grand plans" for next year (I refuse to call them resolutions), this feeling of anticipation seems to be coming from somewhere unknown. Maybe it is just God's way of telling me that good things are in store for me. After all, it is all in His Hands no? (Suddenly I am reminded of this entry: http://shaks-soliano.blogspot.my/2014/12/believe.html). 

My motto for next year: Keep an Open Mind and Heart!

Deo Volente (God Willing)
There is no truth superior to Me. Everything rests upon Me, as pearls are strung on a thread - B:7

Happy New Year Everyone! 

Of Walls Breaking and Barriers Falling Down

A few people have told me that I have "walls" around me. These invisible barriers that surround me, making me seem aloof, unapproachable, distant. When I was first told this, I was surprised. I mean, really? I begin to wonder if this was the reason I had so few friends; or that guys rarely approached me. I wondered about how these walls or barriers came to exist. Was it a result of my upbringing? Or did I develop this as I grew up, not realising that it became part of my personality?

I had always thought I was quiet; an introvert. Hence my handful of friends, my reluctance to constantly hang out...in fact, even my family has said that I'm the quiet type, a homebody.

But...1.5 years into my new job, and suddenly, I'm being told that I was never the quiet type. That I was only quiet in novel situations or around strangers. People who have known me for years now tell me that they never saw me as an introvert; quiet yes but introvert, no. In fact, I have apparently changed to being more open now; that my personality have changed and that I am now "coming out of my shell."

This comes as a surprise, a pleasant surprise; but a surprise nonetheless. In fact, to be honest, I too feel that I have changed. I guess taking the step to move on to something new (and better) must have worked its magic. While it was a really difficult decision to make and to also leave the comfort that I had, the new step proved to be much more rewarding.

I am happier. I laugh more. I have new friends (yes friends, not just colleagues. Old colleagues are now friends too). I am trying new things. I am moving forward.

The fear that I had when I decided to make the change was rational. But I guess, if I did not take that step, I would never have known the person that I could be.

Just this past week, I had dinner with my friends who were once my colleagues, and they told me that I have indeed changed. While I am still trying to figure out the wall/barrier thing, I guess just like how it unconsciously built itself around me, it is now tearing itself down.

Oh ya....I also have to accept that I am not as graceful or poised as I thought I was; and neither am I charming! Haha! My kind and truthful friends laughed when I asked them if I was graceful and charming. Then they proceeded to tell me that I am more like a giraffe, while my colleagues said I remind them of Jar Jar Binks!! Oh well...

It is the last month of 2017 and wow....time has indeed flown by. In about 3 weeks, a whole new chapter begins. And I wonder what new adventures are in store for me....