Speech by Pulitzer Prize winner, Anna Quindlen

My friend forwarded this to me and I think it's one hell of a speech!! :-)

This was a speech made by Pulitzer Prize-winning author, Anna Quindlen at the graduation ceremony of an American university where she was awarded an Honorary PhD.
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I'm a novelist. My work is human nature. Real life is all I know. Don't ever confuse the two, your life and your work. You will walk out of here this afternoon with only one thing that no one else has. There will be hundreds of people out there with your same degree: there will be thousands of people doing what you want to do for a living. But you will be the only person alive who has sole custody of your life. Your particular life.

Your entire life. Not just your life at a desk, or your life on a bus, or in a car, or at the computer. Not just the life of your mind, but the life of your heart. Not just your bank accounts but also your soul.

People don't talk about the soul very much anymore. It's so much easier to write a resume than to craft a spirit. But a resume is cold comfort on a winter's night, or when you're sad, or broke, or lonely, or when you've received your test results and they're not so good.

Here is my resume: I am a good mother to three children. I have tried never to let my work stand in the way of being a good parent. I no longer consider myself the centre of the universe. I show up. I listen. I try to laugh. I am a good friend to my husband. I have tried to make marriage vows and mean what they say.

I am a good friend to my friends and they to me. Without them, there would be nothing to say to you today, because I
would be a cardboard cut out. But I call them on the phone, and I meet them for lunch. Enjoyed their tale & yarn. I feel sad if they are sad and share their joy when they are happy. I would be rotten, at best mediocre, at my job if those other things were not true.

You cannot be really first rate at your work, if your work is all you are. So here's what I wanted to tell you today: Get a life. A real life, not a manic pursuit of the next promotion, the bigger pay cheque, the larger house. Do you think you'd care so very much about those things if you blew an aneurysm one afternoon, or found something wrong with you or your loved one?

Get a life in which you notice the smell of salt water pushing itself on a breeze at the seaside, a life in which you stop and watch how a red-tailed hawk circles over the water, or the way a baby scowls with concentration when she tries to pick up a sweet with her thumb and first finger.

Get a life in which you are not alone. Find people you love, and who love you. And remember that love is not leisure, it is work. Pick up the phone. Send an email. Write a letter. Get a life in which you are generous. And realize that life is the best thing ever, and that you have no business taking it for granted. Care so deeply about its goodness that you want to spread it around. Take money you would have spent on beer and give it to charity, little charity make you happy, big one make you proud that you are able to do it. Work in a soup kitchen. Be a big brother or sister. All of you want to do well. But if you do not do good too, then doing well will never be enough.

It is so easy to waste our lives, our days, our hours, and our minutes. It is so easy to take for granted the color of our kids' eyes, the way the melody in a symphony rises and falls and disappears and rises again. It is so easy to exist instead of to live.

I learned to live many years ago. I learned to love the journey, not the destination. I learned that it is not a dress rehearsal, and that today is the only guarantee you get. I learned to look at all the good in the world and try to give some of it back because I believed in it, completely and utterly. And I tried to do that, in part, by telling others what I had learned.

By telling them this: I hope you find the time to enjoy your family , friends, & laugh & love more, you be surprise how happy it will make you feel. Don't live with regret or you be sorry for the rest of your life.

Consider the lilies of the field. Look at the fuzz on a baby's ear. Read in the back yard with the sun on your
face. Learn to be happy. And think of life as a gift, because if you do, you will live it with joy and passion as it ought to be lived.

Still bitter

I am still bitter after Thursday's ordeal. To be ambushed and blamed for something completely not my fault is just ridiculous!! Yes, I do admit that I made one small mistake but to take the brunt of everything is just preposterous!! I refused to let that day affect me but unfortunately, I've failed to do so. So much so that I became even sicker on Friday (had to take MC) and my whole weekend was just spoilt!!

I dread Monday as I always do but thank God I'll be left alone, at least to cool down. I've made up my mind that I'll just do whatever it is that is asked of me (without complaning) till I leave. I am definitely leaving but am just waiting for the right place and time to do so. I can't wait to see their faces when I announce this.

My sister did mention that I can't run away everytime I face trouble or when something like this happens again. And I agree. But this time, it just went too far. Besides, as one of my friends said, "No one stays with their first job forever!" I totally agree!! I've been here long enough. Anymore longer and I'll lose my sanity!

I'm praying, hoping, asking, believing and receiving for a new better job!!

ARGH!!!

I don't understand why some people love to be bossy. Just becoz they are the big guns running the show, they treat the little ones as though they are slaves with no feelings. Even if the little ones achieve something, there's no praise or appreciation. It's all done in the name of the "organisation". Does expecting an occasional praise or "good job" make me a non-team player? I think not!! Unfortunately, when the big guns "speak", the small ones become intimidated and there goes the chance to answer back or explain yourself.

There are completely no right work ethics and the little ones are left feeling unappreciated and frustrated. It's no wonder many little ones have left. I'm not surprised. I'll be gone one day too. I'm just waiting for that day!!!

Of runny noses and irritated throats

Runny nose. Irritated throat. Cough. Phlegm. Over-heated body.

Yes, I am sick. I have been sick for the past 5 days. The nose is no longer "running" but the phlegm is insistent on irritating the throat, hence the cough.

The over-heated body? Not really fever but just feels hot! Me!! The person who hates the cold and yet, now, complains about feeling hot.

Oh boy! Being sick is no fun. It doesn't even get me out of work as to do that, I must produce an MC, which means going all the way to the doctor!! Personally, my body is just tired and I need to rest but I can't very well go to the doctor and ask for an MC coz I want to sleep, can I?

...

The only certainty in life

The only certainty in life is DEATH. We know we are all headed that way. It's not a matter of IF but a matter of WHEN and HOW. Though some may say that the HOW is not important considering the fact that we are all going to die anyway; to me, the HOW is important. Especially since it'll create a big impact on my family and friends. Yes...I am not afraid to admit that I do not want to suffer before I die. I pray that I will not be condemned with any illnesses, or get my life snatched away in a freak accident. Nevertheless, that is personal. What I am more concerned about is how my death will affect my love ones.

If I were to have a terminal illness, I would not be the only one suffering. If I were to die in a freak accident, the people I leave behind will be the ones suffering. To me, that is the last thing I would want my love ones to endure. Suffering and pain because of me.

I know many will be wondering what's gotten into me? Why am I talking about death all of a sudden? Well, my grand-uncle passed away suddenly on Wednesday. He had a fall about two weeks back, was admitted to the hospital and didn't return alive. This is the 3rd death (on my father's side) since 2002. First was my grandfather, then my uncle in 2007 and now my grand-uncle. All 3 men died in the hospital. All from an illness. So is it any wonder why I fear going the same way?

But I digress. I witnessed my grand-aunt's heart breaking. As she sat next to her husband's coffin, talking to him; as she watched her wedding saree (of more than 40 years) cover his coffin; and as she said her final goodbye as the hearse drove away, I could only imagine what was going through her mind. The lost she felt. The impending loneliness awaiting. While she has all of us around her, it is not the same. While we may provide the comfort and support she needs, losing someone like your husband is major. I pray only the best for her.

Everyone was sad that he had died. But I think what hurt the most was seeing my grand-aunt. She'd already lost weight, having stayed by his bedside everyday,not eating nor resting properly. And to watch him suffer in those final hours, it's a wonder she's still sober and awake.

My point is this: Death is certain. That bars any argument. And, since we can't do anything about death, we CAN do something to parallel the heartbreak it causes. MEMORIES. Create, live and remember good times and bad. When death occurs, one of the things that helps a person cope is memories. At the funeral yesterday, despite the tears and solemn-ness around, we joked and reminisce about the things my grand-uncle used to say or do. And believe it or not, amid the sniffs and tears, there were also smiles and laughter.

And so, you see, despite him leaving abruptly and unexpectedly, the memories he left did, in some way alleviate some of the pain he caused. He was a good man. A loving father, a dedicated husband, a wonderful person.

That is how I want to be remembered. And I hope that, when my time comes, laughter will take precedence over tears and anguish, for I hope, I have and will leave worthy memories for my love ones.

Another year older...and yet she's still...

Come Monday, she'll be another year older. As she moves one more step closer to reaching the mid-50s, the number that denotes the number of years she has existed on this planet stays just that way.

A mere number. For, no matter what that number is, her looks, her body and most of all, her personality belies her true age. She looks younger than most of her peers (in fact, she can actually pass as my elder sister); her body is actually good for someone of her age (though I know she will disagree with me on this) plus she has two kids!!; AND her personality...that's what's keeping her youthful!! In fact, she is so captivating and interesting, that my friends enjoy her company and they actually miss her when they do not see her (much to my chagrin!!). Heck, they even tell me that she's more "in" than I am; and that I am old-fashioned!!

She's a great cook too. For someone who is not of Indian descent, she has mastered the art of cooking Indian dishes, to the point that people can actually mistake her cooking with my grandma's. Talk about compliments!! Isn't that great? To have people not know the difference between your cooking and your mother-in-laws??! Haha!! That means, you're on par with her!!

Overall, she is a great person. A great daughter, sister, wife, mother. SHE is MY MOTHER. And so....Ma, I want to wish you a VERY VERY VERY HAPPY BIRTHDAY. MAY GOD BLESS YOU ALWAYS WITH WHATEVER YOU WANT!!

Valentine's

So...it was Valentine's Day yesterday. And what did I, a single, eligible young woman do to "celebrate" the one day when LOVE is put above everything else? I hung out with another single, eligible girlfriend of mine, Trish.

I met up with her at the law firm where she's working; gossiped with her and her colleagues (as though we were old time friends!!) and was off to Gurney plaza. As expected, the route to the plaza was jam packed. As we inched our way, we started or rather continued our Valentine's Day with what we do best; GOSSIP! When we finally reached the multi-storey carpark, it was a challenge looking for an empty spot. But luck was on our side, as barely 5-minutes later, we found a perfect spot!!

First stop was the gym as she wanted to check out if her "cute guys" were there. After running the "spot check", lunch was at Nando's. It was a choice between Manhattan Fish market or Nando's, but Nando's "won" as I was in the mood for chicken. After a scrumptous meal of Peri chicken, coleslaw, chips and Peri Wedges & Dip, we took a long walk to digest our meal and also get a drink (the drinks at Nando's were super expensive!!).

As our movie was scheduled to start at 4.20pm (I wanted to watch Bride Wars), we headed straight upstairs to get our popcorn and drinks (yes! I know we just had a big lunch!). The queue for the tickets and confectionary were looong. Thank God we'd bought our tickets 2-days earlier, so all we had to do was get our munchies.

When we finally got to Cinema 4, it was already more than 3/4 filled. And barely 10-minutes later, the movie started. The movie was okay although at times it was slow. Nevertheless, it was a feel good movie. There was of course no escape from certain hyena-laughing girls who insisted on giggling and laughing at such a high pitch! Do they really think that is going to attract a guy's attention? It was so damn annoying!! I felt like slapping, not one but numerous girls in that cinema!!

But I digress. After the movie, we went to Chopper board to have a drink and ended up with a bowl each of the famous Chopper Soup!! As we continued our gossiping session, we saw an ex-classmate of ours. We didn't say hi to her though as she was with her bf and of course we didn't want to intrude.

Our tete-a-tete finally had to end when Trish's parents messaged her, asking her to buy dinner. :-) As she drove me home, she commented that, no matter how long we spend time together, we can never finish gossiping!! Haha!!

Overall, this was my first Valentine's that I spent away from my family. Sad, huh? Nevertheless, despite not receiving any flowers, chocolates or cards, I did receive something even more valuable. I re-inforced my friendship bond.