Restless night…better day

I once again slept early last night; not because I was tired or anything. I was just bored. So I switched on the radio, listened to some music and soon my eyelids were drooping. Despite my early night, I had a restless night. I dreamt of so many things; from my family to work to nonsense. I must have had too much on my mind before I slept (I actually had read a 50-page article before deciding to go to bed).

Therefore, when I got up this morning, I felt as though I had sat in a 10-hour meeting. I felt tired mentally, which is not good as the senior retired lawyer was coming today! Yawn!! I was still bothered about my so-called “what I have learned here” issue. I am pretty sure that the time I have spent here has been useful; but for the life of me, I don’t know why this is bothering me. Perhaps I am afraid that I will not be able to answer questions when I am back home. Or that they will think that it was a waste of time as I “didn’t” learn anything useful.

The bus was slightly late today. And by the time it arrived, there were already so many people in the bus. Thankfully I managed to get in and not get squashed. I understand why people would still want to board the bus despite it being full. I mean, they were probably late for work or an appointment. But just as I got down at my stop and as my bus drove pass me, I saw another bus right behind that was only half full!! Aiyoh!

Not wanting to wait till Thursday for my review, I emailed Claudia asking if we could meet today instead. I had my meeting with her during lunch, and she told me that she totally understands how I feel and where I’m coming from. She said that everything will fall into place at the end of my stay or even 6 months from now. It’s a process that takes time. Right now is the learning/absorbing process and nothing will seem to make sense. She even said that that’s why she’s just letting me absorb everything, whether it’s useful/relevant or not; as the relevancy and usefulness of what I have been exposed to, will only present itself much later. In the end, what I have learned and experienced here will fall into place and I’ll understand or figure out what this trip was all about.

This was exactly the same thing Singapore mum told me. J Claudia also said that she understands that people have expectations of me (and they would probably expect something concrete) and very often, there is no answer to their questions. She also said that it’s good that I voiced my doubts and worries as it’s a learning process for both sides. The end result would be to have both sides saying that this was a very valuable, informative and meaningful stay that was worth it for everyone. On a personal level, I can already say that this trip is worth it! I feel much better after talking to Singapore mum and Claudia. I guess I got worried too fast. There will be no “formal” review this Thursday as what we talked about this afternoon was sufficient; and since we both have nothing extra to add or say, this afternoon’s talk covered my review! Plus, she likes the way I re-worked my work plan to include a comments column where I stated everything that I have done so far. It shows something concrete and that I wasn’t just idle all this while. Her words, not mine. J

Right now, I just plan to learn as much as I can; and enjoy the rest of my stay here. Why plaque myself with unnecessary worry? It just wastes time and makes me miserable. I’m going to forget about all this nonsense and concentrate on enjoying my last few weeks here.

I also joined in Clod’s meeting with Robert and it was an interesting discussion. I asked questions and Robert was actually nice enough to take the time to explain to me and made me feel included. I’ll be joining all the meetings that he has while he is here. I figured, better learn from an expert and even if I can’t contribute, heck, he’s helping ME! J

On another note, my boss here still can’t get over me being here in winter. He told me that during the weekend, when he was in the countryside, sitting by the fire and having a barbeque, he thought of me! Lol! He still finds it amusing that I came from such a hot country into the dead of winter!

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